Thoughts From A Talking Donkey Kyle Crimi - THE WORLD RACE

Lessons Kinda Learned-There is More

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Right now, I sell phones...never thought I would be doing that after the World Race...but that is where the Lord has me for a season...it is very interesting...I am learning a lot...mostly about myself and my heart...

I am also picking up a new lingo...I talk about things I never talked about before...a lot...(ask my wife...she could probably do my job now because of how much I talk about it.)

So at work...we have this language that we understand...phone language...it makes perfect sense to us...it is kind of amazing how it developed...we all came from different places but we have formed a common way of expressing things...if you heard us, it would probably not make any sense to you...because we have seen things and come to understand them in a similar way...

Naturally, this always happens when you are hanging out with the same group of people a lot...

I noticed the same thing coming home from the World Race...a group of us from all over the states lived together for almost a year...we all had different backgrounds and views...we all came together and we had to learn how to communicate in a way that made sense to us...

So we did...and as the year went along...we began to use new words and new expressions that we came across...and it all made perfect sense to us...

So when coming home a lot of us were shocked when we would talk to people...because we felt like no one understood us...partially because no one saw what we saw...but also because of our terminology...the way we said things didn't make sense to so many people back home...

One of the most common words that was misunderstood when coming home was the word COMMUNITY...

It seemed to have a negative reaction...one that often came with a strange look and the question, "Are you in a cult or some kind of commune?"

This was a total shock to me because it was coming from friends and family...normally the ones that understand most...

Now I understand their confusion...because I am realizing that I don't even know what it means...I have an idea in my head...but I can't even put it into words...

I have talked about it and discussed it...tried to put it into action many different ways...both on the Race and now in Colorado Springs...and I just don't get it...

I am learning now that there is so much more to COMMUNITY than I ever imagined...more than I have ever experienced...and something in me desires to go deeper...to find true COMMUNITY...

But where do we even begin...

Join me in my next blog...Click the link below when I post it...

Lessons Kinda Learned (Intro)

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

http://kylecrimi.theworldrace.org/?filename=lessons-kinda-learnedthere-is-more

So I haven't written a blog in months...and I kinda miss it...I miss trying to put my thoughts together into something that makes sense...even if it only makes sense to me...

I have been back from the World Race for almost eight months...a lot has happened...the most amazing thing being that I got married to Haley Gordon...a fellow racer...back in November...which if you knew me growing up and have met her...should prove to you that God is real and His grace is all over me...she is absolutely amazing...

We are currently living in Colorado Springs...we are learning to be married...we are trying to learn what it means to love someone more than yourself...we (mostly me) are trying to let go of some of our past junk in order to love each other...just because...

We believe that marriage can be different...we believe that it can keep getting better...and that it doesn't have to get boring...we want to learn how to do marriage and be an example of what marriage can be...

And for the record...we have no idea what we are doing...but it is ok...we are just trying to love each other the best we can everyday...and honestly I am blown away everyday at what the Lord is doing between us...

So here we are...doing life...whatever that means...

We are here trying to figure out what to do after the World Race...now more than ever we know we have a lot to learn...so we are here to learn...here to be discipled...here to build foundation in our relationship with the Lord and in our marriage...

And I am realizing...that there are a lot of lessons being taught right now...and these lessons are coming in ways that I never would have expected...the Lord works in amazing ways...the Lord has been speaking to me about things He has placed deep in my heart and He is using normal everyday experiences to show me these things...amazing lessons...and so I want to share them with you...hopefully the Lord uses them to touch your spirit...

I believe that if we could press into this and let the Lord lead us in this...it would most importantly change our hearts...but also change our lives...and probably the hearts and lives of others as well...

I wish I could teach these lessons out of experience...but I cant...for two reasons...the first being I don't have the experience to teach from even if I wanted to...and the second being I don't think this is even something any person can teach...I believe there is only one way to learn this...letting the Lord guide you...having a Yes in your heart to something more and greater than we can ever imagine...to not know what will happen and to still risk everything...because you trust in the Lord with all you heart...

One of the desires of my heart is to go down this road...which should be enough for me...but I want to do this with others...just a handful of people willing to do this would be one of the most beautiful things the world has ever seen...

I invite you to join me on this road...and you can do that by reading my next few blogs...

My lessons kinda learned...

I will post links below as I write them...just click on them to go to one...

Our last video...

Mon, 4 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Danny put together this video...it is just a glimpse into our last 11months...I hope you enjoy it...

THE END?IT NEVER ENDS!

Sat, 2 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So these last couple months I have been bad about getting blogs out...

In fact...some of you might not know this, but I have been back in the States for about a week...see, I have been bad...I didn't even write an "end" of the trip blog.

But it is not like I didn't try...believe me, I have tried...but I have had a hard time getting my jumbled thoughts out...

My brain has been all over the place...mostly thinking about the end of the race and what is going to happen when I get back...

So much unknown...

So much uncertainty...

But strangely I have had a huge peace...

God has definitely given me peace...

So now that I am back...I am trying to just walk...

Walk forward...

Towards him...

In the ways that I know how...

I am just trying to listen for that small soft voice...

And I have such a peace...

I have never been happier in my life...

I have never been more thankful in my life...

This last year was hard...

But I wouldn't trade one second of it...

Because God has brought me to an amazing place...

My God is good...

He has provided in so many ways...

Even since I have been home, I have seen His hand all over my life...

His is still providing...

He is still there...

It rocks me...

It has brought me to tears...

And it is crazy...

Cause now that the race is over...

I keep hearing the same voice I heard before the race...

Saying...

Come...

Seek me...

I love you...

I want you...

I choose you...

This not the end...

This is the beginning...

Seek me...

Come to me...

And when I think about that...

I get floored even more...

Cause I am realizing a few things...

This whole thing...

The World Race...

It wasn't about me...

It wasn't about me having an experience of a lifetime...

It wasn't about me becoming a better person...

It wasn't about me becoming a better Christian...

This was all about God...

The glory of God...

The glory of God being revealed...

To me...

To people that followed me this year...

To people that I was able to minister to...

All for His glory...

His glory was revealed to so many people...

It was all about His glorious kingdom coming to earth...

And it showed up in places that you never would have expected...

Some of the darkest places on earth...

Some of the darkest places in my heart...

And brought light...

His love and power restored broken things...

His love and power resurrected dead things...

His love and power transformed lives...

All for His glory...

The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is all over all that he has made.
All your works shall give thanks to you, O LORD, and all your saints shall bless you!
They shall speak of your glory of your kingdom and tell of your power, To make known to the children of man your mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of your Kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures throughout all generations. Psalm145:9-13

People have said to me that this last year wasn't real life...

And that it is over...

The end...

And I guess I understand what people are saying when I look with worldly eyes...

The World Race is over...

But it never was about the World Race...

It was about the Kingdom of God...

It was always about the Kingdom of God...

The Kingdom of God is life...

The Kingdom of God is real life...

The Kingdom of God is the only thing that brings life...

The Kingdom of God is reality...

And I want it to be my reality...

The Kingdom of God certainly didn't start with the World Race...

The Kingdom of God certainly won't end with the World Race either...

The Kingdom of God is beautiful...

It never ends...

It never ever ends...

IT NEVER ENDS...

And we get to be part of this Kingdom...

LORD help us seek Your kingdom...may Your kingdom come and Your will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven...may Your kingdom take over in our hearts, relationships, families, and lives...help us to believe in You, Your power to transform, and Your kingdom...LORD help us be kingdom minded...

GOD I WANT YOU TO BE MY KING...LET YOUR KINGDOM SURROUND US...

Blog by Sarah...

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Kyle Crimi

Aliases: Chester, Captain Djibouti, Ky

Hometown: Jordan (J-town), Minnesota

After the Race: Moving to Colorado to live life and "figure it out"

Support: Kyle still needs some support to be fully raised to get reimbursed for insurance, vaccines, etc... This would be a huge blessing to get help get him started in his next step after the race.

You can bless Kyle by clicking here: Support Kyle!

Overview of Racer:

Kyle was one of the first people I met on the World Race all the way back in April. I remember thinking "wow... he is really quiet." He was on my original training camp team (go green team) and he told us very early on that once he gets to know you he won't stop talking. That statement is a little extreme (sort of like Kyle :)) because he is an extremely deep thinker... but Kyle is also extremely great to talk to and whole lot of fun to joke around with. He's a really great mix of deep thinking and goofiness... and he's really sincere about both.

Since last April we have seen Kyle go through an incredible transformation. In April Kyle was unsure of his faith and his place on the World Race. He was convinced that he could never pray in front of people. By September he was sharing a message with our squad. Now, he shares detailed devos with our team, writes really challenging blogs, and enjoys sharing messages with different congregations we've met around the world.

He is so hungry for God. He wants EVERYTHING in his life to reflect God. He loves when God takes him through something painful to refine him and transform him. Before the race Kyle bought a camouflaged bible cover called the "Truth Hunter" (Kyle really loves outdoors stuff... especially hunting and fishing)... this very distinct bible has become one of his trademarks this year because it is always with him. Kyle is a really great example of how to run towards God with abandon.

One of the times I really saw Kyle "come alive" this year was in the Philippines working with Sherwin and his family on the gutter project. Kyle jumped into those relationships and really invested his heart there. It was amazing to see the fruit of that... church with their family on Sundays, playing Chess with his younger brother (and "letting" him have the winning record), the little girls that just squealed with joy as they ran into his arms, ,seeing the look on Sherwin's wife's face when the two of them came back from haircuts with matching mohawks, and finally seeing them celebrate new years together in Manila. It is such an amazing example of how we can invest in each other across all sorts of boundaries.

A few tidbits:

* Kyle is easily encouraged to change his "look" for a few days before a haircut or before he shaves. We've been treated to flashes of mustaches and mohawks all year long.

* In case you think Kyle has lost his "edge" this year... you should also know that Kyle is not just a missionary but also a fearsome pirate. He became Captain Djibouti last May and was seen pirating around all last summer at a Christian sports camp.

* Kids are obsessed with Kyle. Now, some of this has to do with his height (most cultures have never seen someone 6'4" tall), but there's something else going on there. Kyle has been a human jungle gym and great friend to nearly all the children of the missionaries we've met this year.

* Kyle brought his guitar this year so that he could learn. At the beginning of the year he needed Danny's help with everything... now we hear him singing away and he can learn a new song so quickly. We were even treated to him leading worship in Mozambique.

A Few Recommendations from Kyle's blog:

Just a Guy
"I am just a guy...
A guy that thought following Jesus was easy...
A guy that is learning that following Jesus is the biggest challenge of his life...
A guy that really wants to face this challenge..."

Do I really Want to Look Like Jesus?

"But when it comes to the Jesus that was unfairly treated, abused, beaten, bloody, suffering, carrying his cross, and then hanging on the cross...I seem to shy away from that..."

Kyle, thank you for an awesome year... you are a great friend. It has been amazing to see God transform you this year... you are continually becoming an amazing man of God. I can't wait to see what God does with your passionate pursuit of him!
Love you, Brother!

Just a guy...

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I am just a guy...

A guy named Kyle John Crimi...

A guy who's life was a complete mess a couple years ago...

A guy who hit rock bottom...

A guy that started to wonder if there was more to life...

A guy that met and fell in love with Jesus...

A guy that discovered a different way...

A guy that is trying to follow that other way...

A guy that doesn't know where that leads..

A guy that doesn't care where it leads...

A guy that knows that wherever that takes him, he will be ok...

A guy that is trying to walk blindly on a very narrow road...

A guy that is trying to learn which voice is leading him in the right direction...

A guy that still listens to the wrong voice sometimes...

I am just a guy...

A guy that thought following Jesus was easy...

A guy that is learning that following Jesus is the biggest challenge of his life...

A guy that really wants to face this challenge...

A guy that feels out of his mind for considering this challenge...

I am just a guy...

A guy that is learning to deal with the complete freedom that comes along with God's Love...

A guy who still doesn't always make the right choice with that freedom...

A guy that still drops the ball...

A guy that lets people down...

A guy that beats himself up when he lets people down...

A guy that wants that to change...

I am just a guy...

A guy that wants to set the bar high for himself and the people in his life...

A guy that wants to be more like Jesus...

A guy who is learning...

A guy that loves to learn...

A guy who wants to learn faster...

A guy who knows that he needs to go through things to learn...

I am just a guy...

A guy that seeks out Jesus the best he knows how...

A guy that still falls short...

I am just a guy...

A guy that is trying to be honest and face his mistakes...

A guy that sometimes struggles to do that...

I am just a guy...

A guy who loves life...

A guy who is thankful for life...

A guy who questions what Christian life should look like...

A guy who knows some of what it shouldn't look like...

A guy that has no idea what is does look like...

A guy that wonders if that life is possible on a completely different level then he sees all around him...

A guy that believes there is something bigger than he ever dreamed of...

A guy is willing to do anything to find and become that...

A guy that is still not there yet...

A guy that is still on the journey...

A guy wishes he was there...

A guy that knows he isn't...

I am just a guy...

A guy that loves Jesus...

A guy that still makes mistakes...

A guy trying to let go...

A guy that wants to be transformed...

A guy that wants The King to reign in his heart...

A guy that wants to be part of a different Kingdom...

I wish I knew how to do this...

I wish I didn't let people down...

I wish I could be perfect...

But I am just a guy...

A guy that wants to be loved...

A guy that wants to be accepted for being just a guy...

Good choices and bad choices...

Good days and bad days...

Good attitude and bad attitude...

Dreams and fears...

Successes and failures...

Just part of what makes me just a guy...

I am just a guy...

I am just a guy...

But because of Christ...

Because of Grace...

In spite of me...

I am a Man of God.

RISE UP MAN OF GOD!!

An Update from Panama...

Fri, 6 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So my team and I are in Panama right now. We are in a city outside of Panama City called Arraijan...which comes from the English words "At right hand." This is how Americans used to describe where the town was back in the day and the people here in Panama heard Arraijan and it stuck.

God is doing some amazing stuff here in Panama...We have been working with a wonderful pastor Pedro, his wife Maria, and their kids Pedro and Mateo.

Last week we spent some time getting ready for this huge camp for kids...and this last weekend we got to watch it all the preparations come together. We got the opportunity to be the support team and do a lot of behind the scenes work to get things ready and cleaned up for the 150 high school kids at the camp. We also got to spend time with the kids during devos, games, meals, freetime...so we got to know them pretty well. And now we are back with them at their school...Pedro's parents work at the bilingual school that we have teamed up with...so now we get to spend time with the same kids and a few others in their classes teaching them, practicing English with them, and sharing Jesus and our experiences with them. We have been working with kids of all ages from 1^st grade to 12^th...so there is quite a range in what we get to do...but it reminded me how much I love kids and how much I love spending time with them at school.

We have also spent a couple days working at a feeding center. There we have been working with an older Pastor named Bernardo and his family. We have spent some time painting some things to make it look a little nicer and we have also been getting ready to do some cement work which Danny and I will be going back to complete on Saturday. On Tuesday, we got to feed a little over a 100 kids lunch on their way to school.

This Saturday, we will be taking part in a day of prayer with a group of kids at the school...

We will be heading for Guatemala on Tuesday. We will have about 2 days on a bus. From there, the men from team Less and team Ignite are planning on leaving our wonderful women behind for a brief Manisty trip to Nicarauga for about 10 days...then we will come back and meet up with them for the last 3 weeks or so...

I also want you all to know that the end of the race is coming and I am still in need of some financial support. I would love for you to pray about whether or not God is calling you to support me in this way. If He is, instructions on how you can support me online are at this link...or you can click on "SUPPORT ME" link in the upper left side of my blog page. If you want to mail a check, please make sure to put my name in the memo and you can mail it to...

Adventures In Missions
P.O. Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353

I have already been amazed at the support that God has provided both through prayer and financially this year...thank you all for being part of that...please know that the support you have given me has completely changed my life...I will never be the same and will never be able to repay you for what you have done for me in my life...

Looking forward to hearing from you all and seeing your faces in a couple months...

God Bless...

Just a little SOMETHING

Thu, 8 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT

There have been many times throughout the race when I think about coming home. Not because I am in a rush to get home, but because I want to be able to share what God has done during this experience with my friends and family. I want them to see what God has done in my lifeand see the power of his love when you allow it to move in your life.

I want them to be touched by Godwhether they have been or notbecause He wants to do itagain and again. I want them to believe that God has something bigger and better for them in their livesand I want to walk alongside themthrough the pain and the joyas they let go of the world and seek out OUR Father with all of their heart.

God is so amazingI don't have wordsGod move in our hearts

So when I think about what it would be like to go homeevery time I picture myself getting overwhelmed with people asking me to tell them about this trip.

And honestly, I feel kind of bad because I should have so much to say about the most amazing, life-changing year of my lifebut I don't even know where to begin.

There are no words to sum it up into a 4 hour conversation much less than a 15 minutes conversation.

I honestly can't begin to put it into words

But I still think about itbecause I am going to have to try to explain it

What I tell other racers is something that is so simple, but so complexI say things like

GOD IS AMAZING

GOD IS REAL

GOD IS BIG

and

GOD LOVES ME

MORE THAN ANYTHING

And it usually gets me a look like they are surprised that I don't know that already, followed by a comment that confirms the look.

And I do understand where that comes fromI can see why people would think that I should already know thatI can see why people might think it would be a requirement to know this before a trip like The World Race

And the truth isI thought I did know

I have heard it a thousand times

We talk about it in church

I read it in the Bible

One of the most popular verses says thisJohn 3:16--For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

In my head, I have "understood" it

God loves mebelieve itgood to go

That is what was in my head

But I am learningeverydaythat I didn't have a clue what that meant

In fact, I am learning more and more everyday that I really don't have a clue about anything

I just know that SOMETHING is going on

SOMETHING is going on all around me

SOMETHING has captured my heart

SOMETHING consumes my thoughts

I can't get SOMETHING out of my mind

No matter where I lookI see SOMETHING

I see SOMETHING in people's eyes and smiles

I hear SOMETHING in people's voicesstrangely crying out for SOMETHING

SOMETHING amazing

SOMETHING real

SOMETHING big

SOMETHING I can't explain

SOMETHING that doesn't make any sense to me

I am learning that that SOMETHING is MY God

The God I have experienced this year

The God that I have finally allowed to move from my head to the depths of my heart

The God I want you to know

The God I want you to trust

The God I want you to come to in all situations

And right now I have tears in my eyes

Because I know that I can never bring you hereto this place where I am

I can tell you everythingbut my words can't bring you here

I can do everythingbut my actions can't bring you here

So I hope

And I pray

that when I get home

you see SOMETHING

SOMETHING in me

SOMETHING different

SOMETHING that doesn't make any sense

SOMETHING you want and desire in your own life

SOMETHING that will completely transform you

I pray that you would let SOMETHING in

and let SOMETHING touch you

I pray that you would take a step of faith and say yes to SOMETHING

SOMETHING you WILL NEVER understand

But SOMETHING you will never regret

Godwe are so desperate for you and need you more than we will ever know

God...please do SOMETHING

Godall I have is wordsand I know that words are not enoughGod I ask that you would come now and speak to us in a way that my words will never be able tospeak to our heartsGodsometimes we think we know SOMETHINGwe think that since we go to churchwork at a churchcall ourselves Christianhave been Christian our whole liveslisten to Christian musicwear the Christian t-shirtgo to Christian conferencesread Christian booksor any combination of these thingswe think we knowwe think we have figured it outwe think we actually know SOMETHINGbut we really don't have a clueGod speak to us nowpleasemove in our heartsshow us that there is SOMETHING moreYou are bigger that we can ever understandYou are more real than we will ever knowYou love us more that we will ever imagineI don't understand itYou are a mysterysuch an amazing mysterysuch a beautiful mysteryGod I want more of this mysteryI want to be part of itI want everyone to be part of this amazing mysterybut I can't bring them thereI can't get them therebut I know You canI know You can touch people and transform themGod be Godreveal Yourself to usopen our eyes to see Youopen our ears to hear Your voiceopen our heartsGod have mercy on usForgive us for trying to limit You to what we think we knowhelp us to let go of that image of a God much smaller than You arebreak the boxes we put You inshow us how big You really areshow us how real You really arepour Your love, your unconditional, nonsensical love onto ustransform ustransform our hearts and livesGod don't let us settlegive us a burning desire, a hunger and thirst for You that drives us to seek YouGod be our Godnever let us settlehelp us to always continue to seek You and want more of Youand expect more of YouI pray that we would expect You to move in our livesand that we would expect You to come into our hearts and lives and completely transform themGod help us to let goand to let You come in and take overconsume usGod I ask that you would continue to transform meGod I don't want people to see me when they look at meI want them to see SOMETHING differentSOMETHING they can't explainand I want them to seek thatI want them to come after SOMETHING with their whole heart and livesGod use metransform meI want to be SOMETHING that you use for SOMETHINGSOMETHING amazingSOMETHING realSOMETHING big.

Do I really want to look like Jesus?

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

My God is so faithful...

I pray all the time that He will reveal Himself to me and that He will speak to me...

And tonight He spoke to me again...He answers my prayers...

But to be honest...sometimes I wish He would just keep his mouth quiet and let me be...because sometimes He tells me things that I don't want to hear...because He wants me to change...He wants to transform me...to be more like Him...

Which is another one of my prayers...to look like Jesus more and more everyday...at the end of the day, I want to be more like Him then I was when I woke up...I want people to see Him when they look at me...

Because it is ALL about Jesus...

So to look like Jesus...that sounds good...I say it all the time...but sometimes I wonder if I fully mean that...

Because I know I would love to look like Jesus when He is walking around preaching, bringing good news, restoring sight, bringing people back from the dead, casting out demons, healing bodies...that stuff is great.

Heck yeah...I want to be that guy...

But when it comes to the Jesus that was unfairly treated, abused, beaten, bloody, suffering, carrying his cross, and then hanging on the cross...I seem to shy away from that...

And I find myself asking the question, "Do I really want to look like Jesus?"

So tonight I found myself in a little situation where I am being treated unfairly...I was upset...ticked actually...so I was trying to fight for my rights...justifying myself...thinking I am actually important...

In the middle of being upset, dinner time came,so I grabbed my plate and then went and stewed on my issue while I ate...realizing that I was ticked, I started praying about it...and I felt like I should grab the Bible, so I did...

Because it is God's word and He speaks to us through His living word...

So I opened my Bible praying that God would speak to me...and maybe help me justify my thoughts...or speak to me that I am right...and that the others are wrong...I wanted God to pat me on the back and make me feel better...

I opened up to Luke 17:1-3Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for you to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around your neck than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves.

This speaks directly to the situation that I am in...

Then I flipped the page and read the two stories in Luke 18:1-14...and they too spoke into my situation...

I was hoping that God would have my back, but He wanted to tell me I am not perfect and that I need to change still...that He wants to mold me some more...

My situation isn't important...but the message I learned tonight is...

For a while now, I have been fighting for my rights...and I get upset when others try to get involved with what I think I am entitled to...

I started to think about Jesus...and what He did...I tried to think of when He fought for His rights...and stood up for what He was entitled to...

But the problem is...I can't find it...and I actually find that He did the opposite...He gave up all rights...when He was being persecuted, He could have argued His point and since He was sinless, would have been the one person that could have argued His point and been right...

But He didn't...

He was willingly beaten, abused, and bloodied...then He picked up His cross...He suffered...He died...

He let go of all his rights...

That doesn't make any sense to me...it is a mystery to me...it even seems crazy in a way...

But that is because it isn't supposed to make sense to this world...His kingdom is not of this world and it is a mystery...it didn't make sense to people back then...they thought He was crazy...that is why they killed Him...because He was crazy...crazy for us...

I want this mystery to be revealed to me...I want to understand this love...it is beautiful to me...I want to look like this...I want to look like Jesus...

Which means I have to want to look like all of Jesus...I can't kinda want to look like Jesus...because that is being half in and half out...or the Bible refers to it as being lukewarm and God doesn't think very highly of this...in Revelation 3:16 the Bible says because you are lukewarmneither hot nor coldI am about to spit you out of my mouth...I have to be all in or not...I can't just pick and choose what is easy for me...I can't just pick the easy stuff that makes me feel good and doesn't require me to be changed or transformed...If I want it, I have to want it all...the love, grace, mercy, peace, eternal life...and also the change and transformation and I have to be willing to take a beating when it isn't fair and know that there will be suffering...

And that means that sometimes when I read the Bible...it will push me to do things that are hard...things that will cause me to have to pick up my cross and suffer...

That is what the Bible is supposed to do...speak to you...give you hope...show you a different way of life...a way that will ask you to submit to God and His way...which will challenge you...but WILL transform you in the process...God's love is supposed to transform you...the cross, if you accept it or if you even try to understand it, will transform your life...it has to...that is what it is supposed to do...His living word is supposed to speak to you...straight to your heart...and it will often ask you to let go of this world and what makes sense, put all your trust in Him, then to submit, pick up your cross, and suffer for Him...

John 33:16I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Which is why in James 1, it says to Consider that pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

He has over come all the suffering...and if we can embrace our suffering, find joy, and persevere...there is blessing in the end...life...eternal life.

Wow...and here I stand fighting this...doing the opposite of this...the opposite of what Jesus did...I spend so much time fighting for my rights...

Why do I miss this so often...there has to be a reason that He says things like...

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." in Luke 9:23.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for another." in John 15:12-13.

"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." in Matthew 16:25.

God reveal to us why you say this...it must be important...Holy Spirit speak...

I really believe that if I want to look like Jesus...sometimes I have to suffer...

1 Peter 2:11-25--Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires which wage war against you soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
      Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human authority; whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of the foolish. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God's slaves. Show proper respect to everyone, love your fellow believers, fear God, honor the emperor.
      Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if you bear up under the pain of unjust suffering because you are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
     "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth."
     When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

We can't forget that this is what Jesus looked like...

Do I really want to be like Jesus?

Do I really want to look like Jesus?

Yes...

God help me...

God I need you now...I don't know what to do...I feel lost...I have been brought up in a place that tells me that I am entitled to my rights...and to fight for my rights...but you modeled something different...you let go of your rights...you suffered...for us...all of us...just because your kingdom works in a different way...by the way of love...and your love changed the world...I want to be like you...I want to be able to let go of my rights...I need to be able to let go of my rights...because it isn't about me...I am not important...it is about you, and I want people to see you in me...God I can't change the hearts of men, but you can...help us all to see you...God I pray that you would change our hearts, because we desperately need it...more than we know...God break out hearts for you...give us a hunger for you...God speak to us...God you answer my prayers over and over...and I thank you...I love that you answer me in a way that brings transformation in my life and my heart...but God I ask for more than that...I ask that you would open all of our hearts...helps us to learn to submit and let go of our rights...God...I find it so interesting that we represent you with a cross...a symbol of how you suffered for us...for how much you love us...I wear one around my neck everyday, and I don't really think much about it...it is easy for me to just put a cross on my neck and think I am doing this right...In Ephesians 5:1, you call us to imitate you...not just put a cross on my neck and call myself a Christian...you ask us to give up our rights, even if we are right or justified...and you ask us to do it just because...because it isn't about being right...it is about life...about you...about your kingdom...and you modeled it for me...God help me walk this...I feel weak...but you say in your word (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in you weakness."God I ask for you grace to be able to do this...your direction...I pray that you will be able to move...may your power change all of our hearts...God I want to be more like you...teach me to let go...to submit...let me be an example...use me God...God strip me of my pride...humble me...You must become greater, I must become less...

And if you are reading this...I would love it you would keep me in your prayers...pray that I will have the heart of God...so that I will be able to act out of love...not to prove my point...pray that I would see others the way God sees them...pray that I won't be bitter towards people...that I would come under them in love...pray that I would have grace for others...and that I would embrace them...because I honestly don't want to right now...pray that God would give me strength to persevere and finish the race that is before me...

Is He Enough?

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Haley Gordon, a teammate and friend, wrote an amazing blog. She has an amazing heart and seeks God in a way that amazes me. I see Jesus in her and He speaks into my heart through her everytime we talk. Here is her blog titled "Is He Enough?"

Please let Holy Spirit speak to you and ask yourself this question, "Is He Enough?"

I want him to be enough in my life...God help me let go...

If I no longer had friends to laugh and share my life with or a loving family to support and encourage me unconditionally, would I be ok with just me and God?

If I could no longer "serve" God, give back to God for His gift of salvation, or be a part of bringing souls from death to LIFE in Christ, would I be ok with just me and God?

If I had Christ alone, no titles of missionary, leader, example, mentor; take your pick for what title you see yourself as or desire to be seen as, would I be content knowing God loves me unconditionally? Would I understand in all its depth that no "good work" will earn God's favor, because the "love of God has [already] been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given [as a gift] to us" (Romans 5:5)? Do I really know that God's love has been poured into my heart, and I do not have to DO one more thing FOR God, nor have I ever had to DO anything FOR God to keep this outpouring of perfect love? I just have it!

As much as I say with my mouth that I understand, does my heart truly know and understand that God "did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over FOR us all" and that He will "freely give us all things" (Romans 8:32)? God freely gave up His son and freely gives us all things. Wow.
If I truly knew all of this; if I understood this love Christ has for me, I would be ok with just me and God.

But am I?

Can I accept just being with God, and not doing anything else that makes me feel good or feel like I somehow earned His love and favor?

I'm not sure I can truthfully answer yes to this question. I want to say yes, of course I would be satisfied just being with God', but the truth is I don't know.

These are the thoughts that have been spinning around in my head for the past 2 weeks in Cape Town, South Africa. I know my heart is to give my life completely to my daddy God. He knows that my heart says "yes" teach me Lord! So even though I do not really understand the depths of God's gift of love, His grace continues to pour over my life. That is the beauty of Christ; He shows me where I fall short and He confronts me of my sin and pride, and then invades my heart with His love, reminding me that, "He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ" (Philippians 1:6). I do not have it all figured out. I realize almost everyday (by the grace of God) that God is immeasurably good and I Need Him. As I see my need for Him, Christ is magnified.

Slowly I am coming to realize that I do not really KNOW my Father, but it is ok. He knows me, and that makes all the difference. I pray for a "yes" in my heart towards whatever God has for me, and thank God that His grace covers ALL!

Lord, I want to be ok with just YOU and me.

A little bit of Botswana...

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Here is a blog our girls put together of Botswana...

We wanted to make a really special photo blog that would capture the really amazing, powerful, meaningful couple of weeks we experienced in Botswana. Seriously, it was amazing... but upon scanning our photos... it seems that it is more appropriate to do this photo blog. Here's a glimpse into another part of our world.

Before we went to Botswana we spent some time in Pretoria and Johannesburg:

Normal Things: passing the time on a street corner, waiting for our ride

Multitasking: we cleaned our pores and practiced driming to share the love of Jesus all at the same time. Please note what a Holy experience Lindsey is having.

Several mornings in a row we practiced packing our bags and the car... only to unpack them and return to our cabins later in the morning. However, when the big day came we were ready... and we were on our way to Botswana.

Upon arriving in Botswana we were surprised to discover that we weren't living in the bush, but rather in a gorgeous guest house...

And we got to drive a Benz... once. But it was really awesome. Danny even found a pair of bling bling Grandma glasses.

The rest of the time we rode in the back of a pickup truck. It was really windy. We always looked exactly like this. Always.

Except when we got bored... and started to pick on each other. Don't be worried, Sarah only had minor wounds from her beating by the loaf... Colleen kissed it and made it all better

The pickup took us to lots of interesting places... and got us in touch with our inner selves...

Everywhere we went we met some really amazing people from Botswana:

Meet Felix.

There was always something to laugh about.

We met some people with common interests... like the little mermaid... and head hugs.

Some of us even found love...

Looking Back... in Botswana we really got in touch with our African roots:

After a rigourous tryout... Sarah made the South African rugby team... and then went into the past and won the world cup. She's really good at rugby.

Kyle did his best to blend in. He sprung for a precision haircut. Please observe the perfect 90 degree angle at his hairline... as the stlyist is applying Hair food... before he brushed the hair for no less than 10 minutes. Kyle makes this look goooooood.

Kyle did his best but Lindsey actually became African... note the puffy sleeves and the sweet tambourine skills.

We spent some time reflecting on the last 8 months of our lives, what the World race has meant to us, and how dreamy that George Clooney is.

We're back in South Africa for debrief now. We'll be flying to Latin America on the 20^th to start the last leg of our Journey. Don't worry... we have plenty of memories to share... and even a few souvenirs for you lucky folks back home.

Believe that you Are Mary!

Wed, 9 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I just need to repeat this scripture that I put in my last blog because it is so huge...1 Corinthians 2:9--What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived--these things God has prepared for those who love him.

This morning, I was talking to Musa...I love it because this guy talks about nothing but the Lord...he doesn't have time for anything else...he is so focused on the Lord...we talk about Jesus all the time...he is so on fire...and being so close to him is starting to warm me up and make me smoke...I feel like I am about ready to burst into flames...It is amazing...

This is what is about folks...it is all about Jesus...

So we were talking...I had to break the news to him that I fried his hair clippers last night, so I am currently sitting here with half a haircut looking like a total dork...but it is all good...I just need to get him a new one...(restitution...different blog...so important)...

So he made a comment to me...well he made a lot of comments, but one just hit me and I couldn't get it out of my mind...He said that God told him to tell the church that they are like Mary...

He explained it a little bit...but I needed more...so I have been reading about Mary in the Gospels this morning, and God is revealing things to me...because that is what God does...he speaks to us through the bible...which is the Living Word of God...it is alive...God is trying to speak to us right now, if we say yes and open our ears to him...Oh God you are amazing!!

So God showed me this story of Mary in the Gospel of Luke...and it just started to speak to me...

Luke 1:26-38
          God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."
          Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."
          "How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"
The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail."
          "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me according to your word."

Holy Spirit speak to us...open our ears to what you are saying...reveal this to us...

Believe that you are Mary...

Believe...

The angel went to Mary and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

Mary reacted like any of us would, she was shocked...the bible says, "She was greatly troubled at his words."

But the angel saw this and said, "Do not be afraid; you have found favor with God."

Then the angel goes on to tell Mary a plan...a huge plan that God has for her...a plan that is bigger than anything she ever dreamed of or ever thought could be possible...and God wants to use her in such a huge way...He wants Mary to give birth to His Son...the Son of God...and He will be great...

Mary asks, "How?"

She wants to know how in the world she is supposed to pull this off.

But I believe the angel started thinking, "No, no Mary...you don't understand...it's not about you...you can't do this."

And he says to her, "The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you."

He tells her that God is going to do it...he is in control...he has the power...you just have to say yes...

Mary submits, "I am the Lord's servant...may it be to me according to your word."

She says yes...

She says yes to something that doesn't make sense...something that she can't see...to the mystery...

She has faith...

So what do I mean when I say, "Believe that you are Mary!"?

I mean...Believe that you are Mary...

God is saying to you..."Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you!"

Absolutely!

This should startle you a little bit...just like it did to Mary...

But God is saying to you, "Do not be afraid...you have found favor with God."

Just believe...

In Mark 5:36, Jesus says, "Don't be afraid, just believe."

God is saying to you that He made you for a reason. He has a plan for your life!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

He is telling you that He wants to put something inside of you...and then He wants you to give birth to something amazing...something bigger than the world could ever imagine...something great...

And like Mary, I find myself saying, "But how...I am just Kyle...how am I supposed to do that?"

And God reminds me..."No, no Kyle...you don't understand...it's not about you...you can't do this...but I can."

He says, "The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you."

And then something from heaven...something great will be born.

And now it is our turn...our part...to let this soak in...to really believe it...

To believe that God loves you this much...

To believe that God wants to use you...

To believe that God has the power to do something huge with you...

To not be able to see what is going to happen or to not question it...

But to simply believe...

And have faith...

And say, "Yes, I am the Lord's servant...may it be done to me according to you word."

God...I believe, help me overcome my unbelief...I say yes to you...I want everything you have planned...I want my inheritance...I am the Lord's servant...God send your Holy Spirit...may he rest on me...God draw me in closer to you...Give me the desire to seek you more...God transform all of our hearts...seal this message in our hearts...God draw us all in closer to you...Help me to believe...God reveal to me your plan for my life...reveal to me how you want to use me...I say yes to you today...

1 Corinthians 2:9--What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived--these things God has prepared for those who love him.

Faith...

Sun, 6 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Faith...

Holy Spirit...this is big...I ask that you would open our ears to hear your voice...open our eyes to see...help us to understand you more...speak to us...

God is so good...so good and so faithful...He has a perfect plan for each and every one of our lives...

This year in the plan for me, God has decided to just rock my world...I have been rocked over and over...God rocks me in so many ways, one of which is that He answers all my prayers...

Isn't that awesome...God is good...

But the hard part of this for me is that He usually doesn't do it in way I want him to...in fact, it usually happens in some backwards and often extremely frustrating way...

But I have learned a lot...like when you pray big prayers...you better be ready for what is coming...for example...I like to pray that I will be stripped of things in my life...God doesn't just say "abracadabra" and "poof" and then I am stripped without feeling anything...this prayer usually leads me to a place of trial and pain and it usually hurts and requires me to submit to him...

Which, in my opinion, is the best thing that can happen...

That might sound weird to you, but that is how it has been going for me...and I love it and embrace it...that is how God has worked in my life over and over...

And honestly, I don't want a short cut...I don't want God to take it easy on me...I don't want any free lessons...I want to earn the lessons He has for me so that they sink in and stick...I need the pain to teach me...the pain brings me to my knees at the foot of the cross crying out to Him...and He comes to me...He comforts me...He saves me...He brings me back to life...

Or I should say a better life...more of what He wants life to look like for me...

And this process has happened over and over to me...and I am getting closer and closer to Him...PRAISE GOD!!!

He is drawing me in...but I am still so far away...

THANK GOD FOR GRACE...AMAZING GRACE...

Wow...this stuff gives me chills...

So I am learning a little bit about how God works...and I really do mean a LITTLE BIT...my God is huge and I can never even begin to think I am understanding something...

Anywho...I was having a little solitude time the other day...and as I sat there I realized that I have been holding back from God...on purpose...because I am scared...scared but in a healthy way...it is the fear of the Lord...because I know He is in control...and He can do anything...

Knowing that He is so powerful and knowing that He is in control has lead me to say to my teammates, "Be careful what you pray for."

Forgive me Jesus...

Because my God answers prayers...you pray...He answers...that is just how it works...

If you take the fact that He is powerful and in control and mix that with the fact that He doesn't just wave a magic wand and "poof" things change...I have found myself getting a little nervous when it comes to certain prayers...I have said to people that I don't want to pray for more faith...because that means I am going to have to change...which is scary for most of us, and me too...and that change will probably come about through God bringing a trial of some sort my way and I will need to submit to Him...put my faith in Him...

If I do that, endure the pain...and submit...I will change, and have more faith...(I just want to point out that this isn't a formula...or a however-many step process to have faith, just my experience)

If I pray for faith...faith that will move mountains, He will say ok...

And then something to the effect of...

Kyl e, I love you...

Remember this...ok?

Remember that I love you...

Now...you have no idea what you said yes to, but trust me...I need you to really put your faith in me...I am going to put you into a place to strengthen your faith...

Now in my mind...eek...that can mean anything...

But it for sure means that it will cost me...nothing is free...right?

God offers us everything for nothing...for free...but the crazy thing is that it actually costs us everything...

Such a weird concept...but it is amazing...

Does that make sense...

Think about this for a second...

It is free, but it will cost you everything...

Wow...so deep...

Now that will look different depending on God's plan for us...

We all face different trials...for some people I know, their family or friends have gotten sick...

God asks you in that time, "Do you have faith?"

For others, they might lose their job...

God asks you, "Do you have faith?"

To others, it may seem like their whole world is falling apart...

And God will ask you in that time, "Do you still have faith?"

Do you have faith in Him that He will get you through it...

Do you believe that He is bigger than any problems life can throw at you...

He tests our faith...He says, "Ok, you want it...trust me...put your faith in me. You said you want faith...have faith....I AM GOOD! I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU! DO YOU BELIEVE THIS! HAVE FAITH!"

I realized that I was holding back...I repented...and I prayed for faith...faith that would move mountains...

God use me...transform my mind...

For the first time in my life...I prayed for faith...which if you understand the even a small piece of this statement...if you understand the responsibility that comes with it, and you will know that I am completely out of my mind...

And I love it...PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Later that night, something amazing happened...We were having dinner with the Rutta family here in Botswana and afterward we were praying. Musa, the amazing servant of God we are staying with, was praying for them...when he finished he came to me to pray for me...and when I say pray I mean PRAY...with some serious authority...I have never experienced authority like this in the states...something hit me...like a ton of bricks...he prayed for faith...something no one has ever prayed over me before...

It rocked me...God heard me...He is working...this is what He does...PRAISE THE LORD!!

All this on the same day I said yes...said yes to faith...I want it...I want it all...

And I know He will answer me...

The next day...we were at church, and after experiencing the presence of God like I never have before during worship, Musa was preaching...and I hadn't said a word to him yet...he gave his message...on Faith...

God you are amazing...

Faith...

This is a term that I have heard over and over...and never really understood...maybe there are others out there like me...

Faith...

Faith...

Faith...

It hit me...

Faith...

Hebrews 11:1--Now faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what we do not see.

I have heard this verse before and read it a bunch of times...probably just kept reading without thinking twice...actually I thought it was good and I highlighted it and moved on...maybe you can relate...I dont know...

But what does that mean...

Faith is being sure...

That means without a doubt...it means 100% certain...it means I believe it...I know it...

Of what you hope for...

That means for something I want...but the key thing to see is that it isn't referring to now...it is referring to something to come...something in the future...

When I put that together...

Being sure of what you hope for...

That means I am 100% certain, or I believe in my heart without a doubt that something is going to happen in the future...wow!!!

Please take a second to see how big this is...

Faith...

Wow...that is huge you guys...

That means that you need to expect God to do something...wow...

I know that might not sit well with some of us...to expect things from God...but for example...do you expect eternal life...to you believe without a doubt that you will have eternal life...that is His promise...

Do you believe it...

Do you have faith in that promise...

Do you expect it...

The bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:7--We live by faith, not by sight.

What?!

That is right...we need to live like this...in a constant state of expectation...expecting God to do things...living by what we hope God will do, and with a 100% certainty that He will do it...

Not living by what we see...that doesn't make sense to me...it even seems irrational, a little on the crazy side, and for sure extreme...

Well...I need to be honest...that is the God I know...an absolute wild man, He can't be controlled...He is untamable...He doesn't work the way we think He should...He is so extreme...and I love it!!

This is big...Holy spirit open our hearts to you...open our ears to hear you...speak to us...

We have to live in a constant state of expectation...expecting things we can't see...

To men, this is foolishness...to God...well...He calls it Faith...and it pleases Him...

And we have to live like this...if we want to please God...

That is right...WE HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS...

Hebrews 11:6--And without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone that comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

Wow...

AND WITHOUT FAITH, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD.

This should send chills down your spine...

If we don't have faith, we can't please God...If we don't live in a place where we dream big...hope for amazing things in the future...and expect him to do it...with a 100% certainty...we can't please God...

Wow...that strikes a chord with me...in fact...I bothers me...actually, it offends me a little...

Which I am learning that only God can offend...

It is what He does it when He needs to teach us something...

God teach me...teach us...

I was thinking about this...and I was thinking about why I go to church...maybe you can ask yourself these same questions...it is up to you...

Why do I go to church?

Is it because it is Sunday and it is time to go through the motions...or to feel good...or to see my friends...or what is it?

Why do we want to come before God?

Do we hope for something when we come before God?

What do we expect Him to do?

Are we coming without faith...without expecting Him to do something...if we do, it doesn't please him...

We need to go before him...in faith...being sure of what you hope for...being sure of the future...that is his gift to us...eternity with him...we have to come before him expecting something...anything...

For Him to speak to you...

Maybe to feel His presence...

Maybe to just be in His presence...

Maybe to have an encounter with the living God...

Maybe for Him to give you a word...

Or for Him to heal you...

Or for Him to bring peace and comfort...

We really need to sit and pray about this before we go to church...and figure out what we want...we need to expect something...we have to come expecting our awesome personal God to do something in our lives...

Otherwise why go...we are just wasting our time...aren't we?

He rewards those who earnestly seek Him...

Wow...

If you seek Him...really and truly seek Him...He will reward you...

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8

God...wow...you leave me speechless...

And we can find joy in taking a step of faith...because "I have plans to prosper you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

We need to believe these scriptures...have faith in them...they are huge...this is real...the word of God...

Do you believe it...

You don't have to...we have that choice...to step out and say my God is this great...or we can say He isn't...

What do you want to believe...

Do you have faith...

Do you want faith...all you have to do is ask...

Ask and you will receive...

Ask for faith...

We have to have faith...

We have to be sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see...

Wow...

Which also means that we don't give up...we seek it out until it comes to pass...you wrestle with God like Jacob did...

Otherwise, do you really believe...100% means you don't give in when times are tough...when your faith is being tested...

Remember the Bible says in James 1:2-4 that the testing of our faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

The testing of our faith...

Do we really believe...will we stick it out...are we 100% certain...will we give up when it gets hard...

Perseverance...

Wow...

Beautiful...and so essential...

Faith...all we have to do is ask...

We just have to say yes...yes to the mystery of God...

Lord...I want faith...faith that will move mountains...I know it will cost me...I don't know what it will cost...but I say yes to you...I say yes to your mystery...God draw me in...open my heart to believe...to believe your words...to have faith...God I ask that you would give me dreams...big dreams for my life...God I want to hope big things...and believe them with 100% certainty...God give me faith...give me the passion and desire to get on my face and cry out to you until you answer...God shape my heart...Thank you Jesus...for you are faithful...

Oh...I came across an amazing verse...1 Corinthians 2:9--What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived, these things God has prepared for those who love him...

Can you believe that...

Will you believe that...

God has prepared things for us beyond any of our wildest dreams...Dream big...

Have Faith...

God is good...all the time...

The Last Few Weeks

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Wowso much has happened in the last few weekswe were very busy in Swazilandsome of the things that happened are

-I got baptized on Good FridayPraise God!
-I went on a safari and saw 4 of the big 5only missed the leopard.
-Helped start a church on Easter in Nsoko.
-Slept in a campground next to lionswoke up to roaring every nightawesome!
-Got to go in the lion cage to feed themhalf a donkeyso cool
-Cut open a wound on my toe to discover eggsthat's right, I am a mommy! J
-Finished the best bookAdam's Return by Richard Rohrread it!
-Got to go hunting and shot 2 warthogsmy brother Tyler Black shot the other 2.

-The guys almost got worked by a cowbut we ended up taming the beast after a 10 km walk/drag to where we started the churchwhat an adventurewe all have cuts and bruisesbut the cow, wellhe tasted goodhahaWorld Race Men 1-Cow 0.

Right now we are in South Africawe are still trying to figure out where we are going nextpray that God will lead us in that

Life is goodGod is greatHe is doing amazing things here in AfricaIt is really amazing to see and be a part of itthanks for all you support

Love you all!!

I will update you when I get a chance againuntil then take care and God Bless You!

Better Late...Than Never...Philippines

Sun, 2 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Before the World Race, I read a bookThe Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claibourne. It was very influential in my lifeone of the things God used to lead me to the World Race. It is a book that I highly recommend to a lot of peoplein fact, you should pick up a copy of it if you haven't read it already.

One of the things that amazed me about the book was the way he described communityhe paints an amazing picture of what it looks like when you choose to live your life in the footsteps of Jesuspeople just helping, serving, and loving on each otherit is just beautiful. You will understand when you read it.

I always wondered what it would be like to live the way he describes in the book and I never really experienced it in my lifeuntil I got to the Philippines.

When we first showed up in Manila, we were with our whole September squad for debriefing. After a few days, the other teams left for their new ministry sites.

The day after everyone left, we woke up, had breakfast, and waited to see what we were going to be doing that month. Then Jeff Long (our amazing ministry contact and host) showed up and Danny and I went on a walk with him and Dave (an awesome guy that was helping Jeff and his ministry for awhileI miss you Dave).

We walked up the street and Jeff began to tell us the story of a four year old boy named AJ.

AJ lived with his family, over twenty people, in a house made of scraps of wood and metal that they had picked up throughout the years. The house they lived in wasmaybe, just maybe, a fifth of the size of the house I grew up in with my parents and two sisters.

During the rainy season, their house did an ok job of keeping the rain off of themthey only had a few places where water came in through the roof. The main issue with rain was that it would come in at ground level and flood rooms where they slept and since they don't all have beds some of them have to sleep in the puddles.

The area they live in isn't very safe. A few years back, one of the older girls witnessed a stabbing in front of their house. When it became known that she saw the stabbing and that she was going to testify against the guy, they came back to the house and murdered her before she went to court.

All of this is pretty bad stuff, but they were a lot better off than most of the people in this squatter neighborhood. For those of you that don't know a squatter village is a place where homeless folks decide to build little shacks on the property of others creating their own little villagebut even though they have a nice little village, they live in fear of their houses being torn downbecause every so often the owners of the property will give the families a two week notice to pack up and move because they will be coming through with a bulldozer to clear off their property.

But none of this has much to do with AJnow I only know a little bit about AJ's story, but what I know is sad

I hear that AJ was a happy four year oldfull of life. But we never got to meet AJ because he died a few weeks before we got therehe died because he got bit by a mosquito and got Denghe Fever.

As we walked up the street with Jeff, he talked about how mosquitoes need standing water to make new little mosquitoes. We came over the a hill, about a five minute walk from out house, we saw all the standing wateronly it wasn't standing waterit was standing sewage waterThis whole street was covered in sewage waterfor about 100 yards. The hillside alongside the road had eroded down onto the street and now this street the size of a wide sidewalk.

The street was covered with dirt, garbage, and sewageand it just reekedthis mosquito breeding ground was right in front of AJ's house as well as a handful of others.

When it rained, there would be huge pools of water and sewage and the only way the pools would disappear was by evaporating. There was no other way for the pools to empty out because they were dammed up by the dirt and garbage.

We stood there for the next 15 minutes or so and talked about the situation. When we looked up the hill we could see a handful of houses and coming from each of them we could see the streams of sewage coming from each one down the hillside to the road where we were standing.

As we stood there in the crap, literally, a few kids came running over barefootsome to stare at ussome were just playingothers came to wave and say "Hello."

I sat there and looked at the situationbecause that is what it was to mea situationso impersonal.

Within a half hour, our four brains had come up with a plan to try to help out. Our plan was to remove all of the dirt, garbage, and sewage. Then we were going to build some type of retaining wall to keep the road clean in the future. After that we were going to put in a couple of outhouses and a septic system for all the people that lived on this hillside.

At first it kind of seemed unreal to me that we were going to try to do thisI had never really done anything like thisand I really had no idea where to even start a project like this.

As we were getting ready to walk back down to the house we were staying atI kept thinking about how I wanted to tell my team about what we had seen. I wanted to tell them about our plan to try to help. I was looking forward to coming back in the future to try to help.

But then Jeff said, "Shovels, we need shovels."

About 3o minutes later, Danny, Dave, and I were staring at the mountain of dirt, sewage, and garbage. We had our shovels and one massive pry bar in hand, we picked a side to start, and we started chipping away.

We worked all day in that smelly muck. Slowly as we worked, a few people came out to help usa few of the men, but also some women and children.

Soon after we started, we discovered that there was a curb underneath it all. It had been buried beneath all of that muck for years.

Since one of our goals was to build a retaining wall, we decided we could use this. We decided to dig out behind the curb and build the retaining wall up to the curb to give it some more support beside the post were we going to build. So we now had a new missionuncover the curb the length of the street.

But once we uncovered the curb, we still couldn't build the retaining well yet. There was still a mound in front of the curb that needed to be moved. As we cleared away the dirt in front of the curb and dug out behind it, some of the men came over to start working on the retaining wall.

We had a few guys that began working with usCardin, Sherwin, and a couple others. Cardin was the leader of this area and Sherwin, I learned later, was AJ's uncle. We worked side by side. They spoke some English, so we would do our best to communicate with each other. We would take turns chipping away at the dirt and shoveling.

And for the first few days, it was just usbusting our butts in the heat and in the rain. But slowly some others came to join in. Some women and young kids would come over and grab a shovel and start shoveling.

About the time our backs were ready to give out, one of the people working with us said he had a friend with a front end loaderand that he would be able to bring it by to help move the dirt. So for about an hour one day we got to take a rest and watch the front end loader move the larger piles of dirtwhich helped so much, but still didn't take care of all the dirt.

Jeff also knew some people with a truck and we borrowed the truck to move dirt and garbage down the street, which we later used for planting flowers in front of the house we were staying at.

And we just kept plugging awaychipping dirt away, shovelingand after about 2 weeks all the dirt, garbage, and sewage was gone from in front of the curb.

During this time, I started to get to know Sherwin and his family really well. We would talk and laugh. I would chase his nieces, nephews, and kids around. His mom invited me over to eat a couple meals with them. I went to church with them and held his daughters on my lap. They started calling me Tito Kyle, which is like Uncle Kyle. I would stop by to challenge Sherwin's younger brother to chess games every couple days. It was just really cool to get to know them.

After all the dirt was gone, we started working on the retaining wall. We would mix all the cement by hand. Often times, the women and kids would jump in and keep mixing it for us while we laid the block to make the wall.

As we worked on the wall, we decided to do a few other things to help the people out in the area. We noticed that the people that had to walk up to their houses had to walk on steep muddy paths. So in one section, a couple of the guys put in a set of steps up to the top of the hill for a few familieswhile we worked on another section.

We also got to know some of the other families in the area. Every day we would take a short break in the morning when Dave would buy everyone a soda. We would sit and relax in the shade. We were invited to sing karaoke and play a billiards-type game with some of the adults in the neighborhood. We even got introduced to someone's pet monkey.

We also had some down time one day while waiting on supplies and we went over to the other side of the road and started moving some dirt and noticed that there was a really nice side walk under a mound of dirt. So we removed all the dirt and cleaned up the sidewalk. Next to the side walk we planted a bunch of flowers for them.

We also noticed that a couple other families needed a sidewalk to their house and they needed to have a drainage system for some sewage and rainwater. So we started working on a drainage system and sidewalk for them.

We spent a few days getting the dirt all leveled, after that we started putting the concrete and drainage ditch in place. When we finished, it looked really good.

After the retaining wall was up, we started working on the septic system. Originally, we put it off because it was supposed to be a secret. We didn't want to get in trouble by the guards so we put it off until we were finished with the wall. We were planning on going in at night and digging the hole for it, but at the last minute, they gave us permission to do it so we started working on it during the day.

So we spent a couple days digging a hole about 5 feet deep and about eight feet wide through some pretty hard dirt, garbage, and fire ant hills. (This is where I take credit for discovering the hard way that they were fire ants.)

We had the septic tank and drainage system in a few days later and we were done with that big project.

After getting to know Sherwin so well, I learned that his family of 20 was struggling. So we brainstormed as a team and decided to get Sherwin two goats. He named them Billy (for obvious reasons) and Shakira.

The rest of our September team came back and a bunch of us spent an afternoon cleaning up the endless garbage in the area. There were about 10 of us and about 50 kids walking the streets picking up bag after bag of garbage.

Sherwin's mom offered to teach me how to cook this really amazing banana desert that she made me one day so I took her up on her offer. I went up to their house one afternoon for a cooking lesson with one of my teammates, Haley. It was really simple and so delicious.

My time in the Philippines was amazingI got to know Sherwin and his family very well. Sherwin and I even got matching haircuts one day for fun.

On our last night together, we went up on top of hill overlooking all of Manila. We watched the most amazing display of fireworks that I have ever seen in my life. New Years Eve in Manila is nutspeople launch fireworks all over the city for about 3 hours straight. It was a great way to end the times we spent together in Manila.

I will never forget the time I spent with Sherwin and his family in the PhilippinesIt is amazing what can be accomplished when you keep Jesus in the center of what you are doing.

God is goodAll the time

Moving on...

Sun, 2 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Hey everyoneour time here in Vilanculos has come to an end. The Rudolph family has been absolutely amazing to usThe things I have learned here have changed who I amI am so incredibly grateful for them. They have just continually poured into us.

The last few days we have been in Mabote, a small village. This is a place that they called home for their first three years of ministry in Mozambique. It was beautifuldirt roadsstraw hut housesamazing creepy crawly things We had the chance to preach, pray for people, and see people give their lives to Jesus. Amazing stuff

Yesterday we got a day to rest. We went to an island that is about an hour boat ride from Vilanculos. So beautifulwhite sand beacheshuge shellscrystal blue watertons of fish to see while snorkelingfresh crab and calamari for lunchamazing.

It is looking like God has Swaziland next on the list of places we are getting the chance to minister. We will be leaving in the morning and should arrive in a couple days. Pray for safe travels11 of us will be crammed into one small vehicleshould be interesting

Thanks for your continued supportI will update you when I get a chance again.

God is so goodall the time. Believe it!!

LESS Update-2/25-Mozambique

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Hello from Team Less. Sorry it's been so long since we've written. Internet was off limits during out time in China and it's taken us awhile to get back to this. Since we last wrote we've arrived in Africa, done training for a week in Swaziland and made our voyage into Mozambique. Jackie and Lindsey also celebrated birthdays in January and February!

Here's our latest update and some pictures for you

Ministry and Team Activities - CF

The past two weeks have been full of different ministry opportunities and times of learning and being filled up by God. Last week we spent two days and two nights at the orphanage. It was a great time of playing with the children, cooking, and at night having a time of songs, games, and a Bible story. This week we spent three days teaching at a local church. We each taught one or two lessons and the topics were things like children's ministry, prayer, God's comfort, the Kingdom of Heaven, distractions, etc. We also have spent time at this church the past two Sunday's and another local church. This has given both Danny and Kyle the opportunity to preach to both congregations. The days we have not been teaching at the church or at the orphanage, we have been focusing on the Elijah House Christian Counseling course we are taking on Inner Healing. This consists of video seminars, small group discussions, and personal reflection. We have all gained from these teachings and God is teaching us and growing us individually and as a team. A highlight this week was Friday because it was Lindsey's birthdayJ! We spent the day at the markets in town, went to lunch, and spent time at the beach. It was a fun day of relaxing and being "us"

Lindsey reclaimed her pirate identity on her birthday

Coming Up- LM

Tuesday thru Friday we will be going out to the Bush in Mabouti, which is about 3hrs from Vilanculos, where we will be splitting up into three groups and teaching at three different churches. We will also be showing the Jesus film at night and hopefully getting the chance to get to know the people who live out there. We are looking forward to spending time out there.

Jackie preaching at church

Danny playing a log at the orphange

Spiritual Discussions - DG

We have all been growing here in some pretty awesome ways. Having to preach so much has in many made us all sit down and really process what God has been teaching us and laying on our hearts. Additionally we just finished doing a 25 lesson course dealing with inner healing called Elijah House. Not only has it been good for healing in our own lives, but God will surely use it to better understand and help heal the lives of other. Many seeds have been sown this month. Seeds that come harvest time will yield some amazing fruit in our lives and others.

As far as prayer goes

Pray for continued healing in all of our lives

Pray this upcoming week as we are heading into the bush to preach Christ crucified and encourage the local churches

Pray for people in the bush as they will be seeing The Passion and The Jesus Film for the first time.

Pray for guidance as to where in Africa we are to go next... there are many open doors.

Pray for continued unity among the team... that God would continue to knit our hearts together.

Pray for the Orphanage that Jaco and Maria have started here. Right now it is running off bare essentials, and there is a huge waiting list for more Orphans to receive aid.

Pray for continue health in our team.

Much love to all who read this. Thank you for your prayers and continued support. We love you guys.

Cultural Quirk- SB

Running water is something we've recently added to the list of things we take for granted. At the house we are blessed with running water but even here it comes in via pump and if the generator isn't running no water. This makes the first toilet flush of the morning a special experience. Then we visited the orphange they are building in the bush. The kids load up containers into their wheelbarrows and head off to the pump several times a day. It's about a 10 minute walk and the pump looks like the cartoons of what you pump to move little carts through mines... I can only hope you followed that! Then they haul the water back and store it in big tupperware tubs that get used for all water purposes.

Special feature- Classifieds

Now presenting Michael Black our extreme makeover World Race edition I think you can see that being around Team Less has really helped our 14 year old friend find his true identity. 14 year olds girls can contact Michael through his fathers blog only those with 5 year plans need apply.

Update from Mozambique

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Greetings from the Eagle's Nest!!

The Eagle's Nest can be found about 6km outside Vilanculos, Mozambique. My team and I have been here for two weeks. We have been staying with Jaco and Maria Rudolph and their two kids Rudo and Maggie. We are living in a cool house made of reeds right on a nice freshwater lake.

We also have a new member on our team this month. His name is Michael Black and it has been so awesome having him around to minister with.

We have been busy with a few different things while we have been here. We got the opportunity to spend a couple days at the orphanage that Jaco is starting up. Last year after the cyclone many kids were left without parents and homes. So Jaco is doing his part in helping these amazing kids out. Right now the orphanage consists of two tents for the kids to sleep in and another tent that us used for the kitchen.

They have 29 kids there now but when the 4x4 gets fixed on the truck, Jaco has plans to pick up 22 more kids out in the bush to bring back to the orphanage. That should hopefully happen in the next couple of weeks. Jaco eventually wants to build houses that will hold around 350 kids and he is waiting on God to provide the funds to make it happen. If you are interested in taking part funding the houses you can check out their website for the orphanage at www.mozambique-orphans.co.za. The website is up and running right now so check it outthey are also currently in the process of updating itso we might even end up on ithow cool huh?

We have also spent time preaching to different churches. It has been a blast. These churches are amazingtheir worship songs blow my mindno instruments, just amazing singing, yelling, clapping, and dancing. I wish everyone could experience the worship hereit is really amazing.

We have also spent a lot of time doing a healing course called Elijah House. It is something that is bringing a lot of healing to our team and is also a great ministry tool for us to use in the future. I am learning a lot about myself and why I do and think some of the things I do.

We also spent the day at the beach the other day for Lindsey's B-day. Most of us got a little burnt. The water there is so warm and just super blueit is straight out of a postcard

We will be preaching at two churches this Sunday and then we will finish up our healing course on Monday and Tuesday before we head out to the bush for a few days

Ohand the sunsets overlooking the lake are amazing

Thank you for keeping us in your prayers.

Better late than never...China.

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Chinaamazing placeit absolutely rocked my world. I saw God work in such amazing ways. To read about some of the amazing things that happened, click on this link read what happened to us. This is the story through the eyes of one of my amazing teammates, Sarah (Click on her name to read her blogs).

I want to tell you about something that happened to me once we left our "ministry" site. After taking a 30-some hour train ride, we ended up in Beijing. We met up with the rest of our September team.

Our first day there, a group of us went to the Great Wall of China and it was completely amazing. I got to take a ski lift type ride up to the wall with one of my teammates. The view that we got to share was absolutely breathtaking. I had the chance to catch up with some teammates and we got to enjoy our first snowfall together. We even got to throw some snow at each otherit made me feel like I was at home. It was such a cold day but it was one I won't forget.

The next day, a group of us decided to go to Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. We were only staying a few blocks away from them, so we were going to walk there. As we were getting ready to leave, I ran back upstairs to drop off some stuff and grab my hat and gloves. When I walked out of my room, I ran into a guy.

The End.

Just kidding

So one thing that I like to do is strike up conversations with random people. So I started talking to him. He had just checked into the hostel we were at and didn't really have anything going on that day, so I invited him with us. He accepted and ran to grab his jacket and money.

As the group walked we drifted towards the back and talked. His name is EliyahuI pronounce it Elio. I soon learned that he was born in Israel. He lived there for awhile as a child, but then moved to New York City and lived there for almost 20 years before he moved back to Israel.

That might not be very interesting to you but it was very interesting to me.

Why, you ask?

Here is a little known fact about Kyleto date, I haven't read through the whole bible yetbut I am working on it.

Lately I have been reading a lot of Old Testament stuff which talks a lot about Israeland honestly, I just don't know much about it all.

And I figured that as he was growing up and in school he had to have history classlike the rest of usbut history class for himthe history of Israelis the Old Testament. That is awesome. So I had a pretty amazing chance to just listen and learnand I wanted to take the opportunity to just listen to him.

So we just talked as we walked around the squareabout lifeabout growing upabout Chinaand about the Old Testament. At one point, we had been talking about bad things that happen and how God uses them for goodhe told me about a Hebrew phrase that had to do with thisit is pronounced something likegum sa la tovawhich means also for the good. I thought it was a pretty cool little saying.

We were still walking and people kept stopping us to see if we wanted to by stuff from themthings like hats, gloves, little toys, and other fun Chinese souvenirs. We just brushed most of them offbut we ran into one lady that was very persistentso Elio stopped to try to bargain with her for a pair of gloves. He was wearing the little girly gloves my sister gets a Targetshe was offering to upgrade him to a pair of North Face knockoffs for about a dollar. After a while, he gave up bargaining with her and we walked away.

We kept walking and we went underground to cross to the other side of the road so we could go into the Forbidden City. While talking in the tunnel, we ran into three guys.

Andrew approached me and we started talking. He was a college student studying in China from Koreawhich to me is awesome since I lived in Korea for about 7 months. So we talked about KoreaI tried to speak a little Korean to him.

During this time Elio was talking to the other two guysPeace (a college professor) and Rain (a college art student).

All three of them spoke English fairly well. When we got to the other side of the tunnel we talked for a bit at the top of the stairsthe group we went with was now waiting for us so we told them to go on ahead and we would catch up to them in a bit.

We kept talking to the three guys when we were approached by a homeless guyhe was all bundled up and he was asking us for money. I motioned to my mouth to see if he wanted food and he shook his head rapidly while mumbling something in Chineseso I assumed he was saying yes. I walked him over to a vender and Elio and I bought him a couple hot dogs and a hot drink. I have never seen a guy scarf a hot dog so fasthe would have made Kobiashi (a hot dog eating champion) look like he was eating in slow motion. After his hotdogs, we gave him his drink and he didn't even know to take the wrapper off the strawI had to show him how to take it off. Afterwards, he got on his knees and bowed thanking usI looked him in the eyes and pointed up and told him not to thank mebut to thank God.

As we walked away he waived bye to us.

The three guys that we were talking to earlier were still hanging around so we started walking and talking with them again. We walked into this big courtyard leading to the Forbidden City.

If you remember back, I said Peace was a college professorfor art. The other guys two were his students. It was winter break and there were there showing some artwork. So they brought us into an art gallery that was hidden and kind of off to the side in this courtyard to show us some of their artwork. Elio and I sat there for about 45 minutes as they showed us a bunch of paintings. They had some interesting stuff, but nothing that I wanted to pay a lot of money for.

Afterwards, it was almost noon. I was getting a little hungry and I wanted to eat some famous Peking duck. I tried to get some the night before but it was too expensive. I talked to Elio about trying to find some. The other three guys said they knew a place we could get some duck. So we decided to have lunch together.

They led us to an interesting little Chinese placedefinitely nothing fancyjust your typical little Chinese place, but the one thing that was different was that there were about 12 different teas spread out on the table. They asked if we wanted to have tea first. We looked at each other and it seemed like a cool little experience so we sat down with them.

A lady walked into the roomand started mixing up the first tea. Another lady brought in a small plate of apples, oranges, and tomatoes to snack on as well as a bowl of pumpkin seeds to eat.

The lady mixing up the tea started telling us in Chinese about the tea she was mixing upand Peace(the professor) got all excited and translated for us.

So for about an hour she mixed up all twelve teassome good for our eyes, some good for fighting cancer, some good for your stomach, some for energysome were sweetsome were bittersome of them did cool things when you added water to them. Each time Peace was just shocked by what she said and so excited to tell us about the tea we were going to drink and what it was good for.

It was a blastwe sat and had such good conversationwe laughed and jokedand just enjoyed each other's company. At one point, the tea lady pulled out a little naked boy pottery pieceshe put it in the hot water and poured more hot water on its head and then quickly pulled it out, pointed it at us, and it peed on uswe all thought it was funny so we laughed at each other because we got peed on.

I sat there with a huge smile on my face and thought about some of my teammates that I wanted to bring back to this place so that they could experience it. I asked them for their number so I could call them and go back the next day and they gave it to us.

They saw that we were having a great timeand they offered to buy us gifts. We looked at each other shocked and said alright. They bought me a variety pack of all the teas we had and they bought Elio a tea setthen they pulled out a wad of cash and paid for it.

After all the rounds of tea and gift giving, they brought out some food. I looked around for duckno duck. I asked about it and they said it was going to take too long to cook it. So I went with itit looked goodand it was exactly what I usually order at most restaurants anywaysand it was goodjust like every other Chinese meal I ate in China. After we started eating, they opened up a couple bottles of wine. We toasted to "true friendsnot fake friends."

After out meal, they brought out the bill.

Now typically in Asian cultures, when invited out to eat, the oldest person or the host of the meal will cover the billit has happened so many times to me in Asia. I was kind of expecting this since they had been buying us gifts and showing us an awesome daybut I was ok paying for my share.

Typically you can eat for 20-30 Yaun per personI was thinking I might have to pay around 100 because of the little show and allbut our bill was about 5000 Yaunmore than 800 dollars. I was shockedthen they said they wanted to split the billthey looked at it and told the waitress that they wanted a discount. She bumped the bill down to about 4000 Yuan

Elio and I looked at each other just shocked.

Neither of us had the money, so I had to go to the bank and pull out money to cover both of usI loaned Elio 500Yuanto cover part of his bill.

And then the three guys walked us back to where we had met them.

Afterwards Elio and I walked back and we laughed because we had just gotten ripped off so badand there was nothing we could do to get out of it.

We started talking about what went wrong, how we could have avoided it, and what we could have done different.

We walked back together to the hostel laughingwe couldn't believe that had happened We decided to celebrate how ridiculous it was by sitting down and having a tea party with our new tea and tea set. We drank our favorite teas for about 3 more hours and talked about itand laughed.

Then I started to tell others about it. I was told that I was stupid to fall for something like that and other negative thingsmy laughter started to turn into angerand I had this rage building up inside of meI started to get mad at the tea lady and the three guys that scammed us. I was thinking so many bad thoughts about them and what they did to me.

And I didn't like it

What was done, was donethere was no going back and undoing it. But what was I supposed to do now

We started to talk about it and talked about what we might have done in the pasts, and what others we know would dowe could go back and get into a shouting match and demand out money back and maybe go Kung Fu on them if they didn't give it backwe could call the copsElio mentioned that in the past he would have gone back and broke people's legs.

None of which were very loving

So what was I supposed to dohow was I supposed reactor think about these guys. As a Christian, I am supposed to be differentset apart.

Then as I sat there something came to mindRight before we left for Beijing I was having dinner with a group of Christian friends we had met in China. I was talking to one of them that had really helped us a lot and was very wise. I asked this girl for one piece of adviceabout something she was learning. She told me, "Fight evil with good." I wrote it in my journal but didn't really think about it until now.

Fight evil with good

What does that mean

Romans 12:9-21Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
            Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those that rejoice, mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not think you are superior.
            Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is min to avenge; I will repay." says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
            Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I realized that I need to go back, have tea, and pray for these guys. The next morning I got up and prayed with my teammates for these guysdo you know how hard it is to bless someone who ripped you offto pray a blessing on themit is so opposite of what I normally dobut it was what I needed to do

God wanted to teach me what it means to love an enemy on a new levelbecause I just don't know what it meansand this was his way of making it really sink into me.

God works in amazing wayit is fun to watch him work in my life.

The next morning I got up to go back to the tea placeit was the day we were leaving. I walked outside to big puffy snowflakesjust like the ones I love to try to catch in my mouth on a beautiful snowy day in Minnesota. I walked by myself down through the square, but I was cut off. In the mornings, they have a big flag raising ceremony and the only path I knew was cut offso I never made it back to the tea house. I sat in the square and prayed for them again.

So I just want to ask you to do two thingsjoin with me now in praying for them againpraying that god would bless them and reveal Himself to thempray as you feel ledfor Peace, Rain, and Andrewmy friends from China.

And also pray that I would not let this change how I view people I run into randomlypray that I wouldn't guard myself against people I am meetingpray that I would be so open and loving of anyone I meet that I would make the same mistakes again. Pray that I would begin to know what it means to overcome evil with good.

Please pray for themit is better late, than never.

The Eagle's Nest

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So we spent a day taking public transportation up to a town called Xai Xai. Danny, Michael Black, and I spent the day packed into a 15 passenger van but we had 25 people in at one pointit was amazingand I never know my butt could hurt so much.

We met up with the rest of our crew at the beach to sleep for the night. The trailer they were using broke at the beach so I had to take one for the team and suffer on a beautiful beach for a couple days until they could come back and get the rest of the stuff in the trailer. While waiting all of our food got stolen from us one nightbut we survived.

We then took a road with possibly the most potholes in the worldI also got to drive part of the tripthrough the potholeson the opposite side of the roadon the opposite side of the carshifting with the opposite handwhat an adventureit was awesome.

I also got introduced to a banana dog sandwichwhich doesn't have any dog in itdon't worry. It is basically a hotdog and bun but with a banana instead of a hotdog. You smash up the banana and it is like a banana filled donutyum.

We made it to Vilanculos, Mozambiquewe are staying at the Eagle's Nest which is the house of the Rudolph Family. We will be staying with Jaco, Maria, Maggie, and Rudo. They are amazing.

We will be spending the next 10 days doing a course on inner healinga course our team needs right nowamazing things are going on in our livesGod is so good and He knows exactly what He is doing.

Thanks for keeping us in your prayersGod Blesstalk to you soon.

Better Late...Than Never

Wed, 6 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I like to procrastinatewell, I don't know if I like it, but I do it a lot. I have done it my whole life. I just like to take my timejust ask my parents, I think I drive them crazy sometimes.

It really bothers some people...but I just like to think I am a "stop and smell the roses" kind of guy.

Somewhere in college, I picked up a motto that just fits meif you know what I mean. That motto is, "If you wait until the last minute, it can only take a minute."

What this means to me is that the work load in college can be very stressful. I would watch people around me stress out because they had a paper due in 3 weeksso I would do the same thingI would get all worked up, but I always found myself writing most of the papers hours before it was due. So after stressing out for a while, I just decided to wait until the last minute and it always worked out.

Now I could enjoy myself. Everyone around me would stress out, but I could just relax. I would just wait until the last minute, stress out for a little bit, and then crank out a paper.

But that leads me to a problem on the race, I have all of these stories that I want to write to share with you guysbut there is no deadline. So I just keep putting them off. And now I can look back and there are stories that I wanted to tell you guys a couple months agobut I just never got around to it. My deadline never came and neither did the stories for you guys.

So I just want to apologize to you all, especially my supporters. I feel like I have let you down.

So I am going to start writing some of them for you guysbecause it is Better LateThan Never.

For the record, I am in Swaziland right now, but I am leaving with my team tomorrow morning to Mozambique. I don't know what our internet will be like if we have it at all. I will do my best to get some stories to you ASAP. Hang in there with meI am learning. Thanks for being patient with me so far.

If You Want a Heart Like God...

Sat, 2 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Be imitators of GodEphesians 5:1

I want to be like God. I want to imitate Him. I want to see what He sees. I want to see what He is showing me. I want to hear what He hears. I want to hear what He is saying to me. I want to walk hand-in-hand and step-for-step with Him in the spirit. I want Him to shape and mold me. I want Him to teach me. I want to be just like Him.

I want a heart like God

In Ezekiel 11:19 God saysI will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them.

That is what I wanta new heart and new spiritand He wants to give it to meall I have to do is ask. So I ask for this all the timeand He is starting to give it to mePRAISE GOD!

I know He is giving me His heart because I have been learning some tough lessons on the World Raceone of them is

If you want a heart like GodHe has to rip your heart out first before He can give you His

At the end of Ezekiel 11:19, God saysand I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh.

God has continually been trying to rip my heart out of my chestand He isn't giving me any drugs to numb the painHe is just reaching in, squeezing to get a good grip, and pulling.

And it hurtsit hurts a lotHe is pulling out all the junk in my heart...I want to fight it but I know I shouldn't. I don't know what to do. I just want to quit because I have nothing left. No more of my own strength, no more of my own energyI'm just drained

But that is only because I am not quite ready to dieI am fighting to stay alivemy heart is still connected to me by a few veins and arteriesmy heart is still trying to pump and keep me alive. And He just wants me to let go of this life, just to submit, and trust Himto trust that when my old heart beats for the last time, He will create in me a new heart that will bring me to lifelife like I never imagined.

During this process, I know He has sent angels to comfort meliterally...one of my teammates saw an angel kneeling with me the other nightthey bring me comfort. They feel my pain and they whisper in my ear to submit. I know they are there because I couldn't do this on my own.

But it still hurtsI still crybut through my tears, I see His hand. It is all over me. I see that He sees a son that is broken. I see that He is trying to restore me. He hears my heart screaming out for Him and He comes running to bring me comfort and healing. He keeps telling me to just trust Him. Over and over, He says it is going to hurt a little but it is going to be okHe says that where we are going is so worth the pain. He tells me He has huge plans for me.

And this brings me so much joy

God I thank you so much for what you are doing in my life...You are so amazing and so faithful...You are such a mystery and I love watching You work the way You do...I want a heart like YoursI know it doesn't come without painI want to be like you and follow you at any costkeep stripping meI want to know you moreI want more of your heart. I want to walk with youside by sideI want to see what you are doingI want to hear what you are sayingI want you to use mefor your purposesand I know that will cost me moreI know it will hurt morebut I want moreI want youall of youjust like you want all of me

GodYOU ARE GOODALL THE TIMEand I trust you with my heart and my life.

The Fall of Kyle: Being Stripped

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

If you haven't read any of the previous blogs of this series, I recommend that you dothis blog will hopefully make a little more sense to you if you do. You can read them by clicking on the links below

The Fall of Kyle

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust You

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust God

The Fall of Kyle: It's Your Fault

You might be wondering where this last blog has been. Don't worry...I have too. I have sat down so many times to finish this...but every time I have, I just can't seem to find the right words.

Honestlyit has been really frustrating for me, because I have been thinking about this blog series for about two and a half months and I just want to be done already. In my mind, it is way to long to be thinking about a blog idea...but it turns out, God doesn't agree with me on that. He has wanted this on my mind because this is something that He really wants me to learn. He has wanted to teach me more. He didn't want me to be finished yet. And I am so glad he works on a different time line than I dobecause He continually amazes me with what He shows me. He has brought me to a really great place because I have had to keep pressing into this idea.

TRUST

It seems like it should be such an easy thing to do but for some reason it is so difficult for me. I really struggle to trust. And it is really the one thing I need to learn to do if I am going to give my life to my Daddy. Because if I can't Trust him with my life, how in the world can I give it to him? I will continually hold back until I can trust him.

And I am realizing that this whole blog series started with the fact that I want to give my life to Jesus...I want to do that more than anything in the world and I am trying to figure out how to do that and how to let go of everything. I am seeing how big of a part trust plays in that. If I am going to give Him my life I need to trust...just simply let go and trust God with everything.

As I have been working on there blogs I have been realizing more and more that I haven't trusted people enough to do that and I haven't trusted God enough to do that...and as I sit and think about this...it makes my heart hurt and it brings tears to my eyes. It is also so frustrating because I have this burning desire in my heart to give my life to Jesus and for some reason I feel in my heart that I am not doing it...so I find myself blaming others, you and God included, because the desire to let go and trust is in my heart but it just isn't happening.

And God used Genesis 3 and a few sermons that I have listened to to show me that maybe I need to search my heart and see what is really going on.

GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD AND I THANK YOU SO MUCH!

So this whole series has been my thoughtsit has been my heartmy heart changing and being transformed by God.

Some of it may have sounded weird to you at timesmaybe like I was stuck or trapped by this realizationbut honestly...it has brought me so much freedom.

And that is originally what I wanted this last blog to be about. My plan was to tell you about all of the ways that I am beginning to trust people and God. I was going to tell you about how I view people. I was going to tell you about how I catch myself not trusting people or catch myself blaming people and then how I try to let go and I ask god to give me strength to trust the situation or I search myself rather than casting blame onto others.

It was going to be a great blog and I had the whole thing planned out in my head. It has been running through my head so much and it has sounded so good...but like I said, every time I sit down to type it up...my brain just completely shuts off. It has honestly ticked me off a little because I haven't been able to figure out why it won't just come out.

So now as I sit here in Hong Kong, I am starting to realize that I wasn't ready to finish this before. I thought I had learned my lesson but God wasn't finished...He had so much more planned to show me...because He loves me so much more than I think He does.

God started revealing more of what He was doing when I was in the Philippines just after Christmas. I remember waking up around six in the morning and stumbling, still half asleep, towards the beach for some quiet time. And I started thinking and praying...and God just started to reveal things to me.

He started by bringing me back to the beginning of this trip...which seems like just yesterday, but also like so long ago. There was a verse that had been really challenging me and I was trying to understand what it meant and where to start. The verse was Matthew 16:25For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

My original desire was to just give up everything and just seek God. That is one of the reasons I am on the race. I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know where that would take me. I didn't know what that would cost me. And to be honest, I still don't know the answers to those questions. But that was my desire...to just seek God with all my heart at any cost.

Since the race started, I think that I have lost sight of that desire lately...I haven't completely lost sight of it but I have definitely only had part of this desire in my view for a while.

But this is such a good thing...and I see God's hand all over it because what has happened is God has really been focusing me in on part of this desire in order to prepare me for something bigger. This original desire is so huge and He needed to break it down and just teach me in small parts...He wanted to teach me how to handle giving up small things...because I struggle to do that...and He wanted to teach me the proper way to do that...because He knows that the whole thing at once would have overwhelmed me.

God loves me and knows what I can handle...so He broke it down into parts...so that once I understood the small stuff He would be able to move on to bigger things. This IS so absolutely beautiful you guys...so incredibly beautiful.

This whole time He has had plans for me and He knew that He needed to show me in small parts before He could reveal a bigger part to me.

GOD YOU ARE GOOD!! I lOVE YOU!!

So, what God has done since the beginning of the race is just rock my world. Sometimes it has felt like He has been dragging me through the muck...sometimes kicking and screaming. He has been showing me all my junk. He has been showing me my darkness. He has been showing me how negatively I view people. He has been showing me how much of a bad job I do at loving people. Some of it He just reveals to me and other times it is revealed to me through conflict. Actually...I would say a large part of it has been brought out through conflict. Mostly through conflict with my teammates and conflict with AIM leaders, but also some inner conflicts.

And every time something has come up, I have usually find myself instantly frustrated...just kind of upset with someone or with myself. I would find myself thinking negative thoughts about the person or myself and after a while I would realize that my heart is way off. I would realize that I was not approaching the situation with love...the kind of love where you die to the situation and love the person or myself just because. The kind of love where it doesn't matter what happened in the past...but I just love because it is the right thing to do.

So I would begin to pray and almost instantly God would change my heart. He would fill me with His love. He would reveal to me how I was supposed to be approaching the situation. He would let me see the person through loving eyes. He would reveal to me how I could love the person through the situation. It was never easy what he showed me...because love just isn't easy, but it is the right thing to do...it was hard because it always involved me dying...letting go...submitting...I always had to let go of those negative feelings in order to love...and He gave me amazing strength to do that and an amazing peace in my heart...all the tension and frustration I had turned into peace and joy.

And so God has spent the first couple months showing me all this bad stuff. He has pointed it out very clearly.

And I love it...because when I found Him revealing this stuff to me...I knew what I needed to do because for the last year or so...I just keep hearing God saying, "Seek me."

"Seek me."

"Seek me."

"Seek me."

"Kyle, just seek me."

You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

And so I would try to let go and pray and just seek God...and He would give me so much direction and peace.

This might sound crazy but this has happened to me so many times that I know embrace conflict, struggle, persecutions...I actually get joy from hard times even before I know what God is trying to teach me. I know that He is going to watch after me and guide me through any situation. And I pray that God will continue to strip me down...until nothing is left...and I know it is going to hurt...because it has hurt so much already...it hurts when your "life" is turned upside down and completely wrecked...but it is wrecked in such a good way.

And I see now that He has been teaching me to really seek Him in any situation. I have learned that when it is hard I need to press into Him even more...I know that I need to go straight to Him and He will carry me through it.

So originally that is what I thought this was all about...I thought that my lesson was all about how to seek God when He reveals the bad stuff and to ask him for strength to let go of the bad stuff...you know...i thought it was about how to die to these desires and reactions that weren't very Godly. I thought it was all about how to draw strength from Him when I need to let go of the darkness in me. I thought it was about learning how to trust people with the bad and hard stuff. And I also thought it was about learning how to trust God with the bad and hard stuff.

And the crazy thing is...it was...it was about all of those things...but...that was only the beginning...there is so much more...

He now has me in a really awesome place. I know how to let go of the bad stuff. I know how do seek him through the bad stuff. I know that I can trust Him with the bad stuff.

This in itself is so huge for me...such a big step...praise God!!

But there is so much more...

I thought that being stripped of the bad stuff was what it was all about...I found myself being held back by the bad stuff...and I thought that if He stripped the bad stuff away...I would be able to run towards Him at full speed.

But there is so much more...what He is showing me now is really going to hurt...it is going to break me even more...but I know that is what I need to do...

Now God is telling me that He wants the good stuff too...

He is saying this because He doesn't just want part of me...He wants all of me.

He knows that I also hold on to the good stuff and in doing that, it keeps me from running full speed towards Him.

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

This verse doesn't just apply to the sinful side of life and all our bad stuff in my life...it applies to my life...everything in my life... good...bad...everything. He doesn't want me to try to save the good stuff in my life and let go of the bad...He wants me to let go of it all...He wants me to find life in Him and nothing else. He wants to show me that there is so much more.

He wants to know if I can let go of everything good in my life...more than just my family, friends, and home that I let go of when I left in September. He wants to know if I will let go of the gifts and talents He has given me. All the blessings in my life, including the most amazing blessing I have ever heard of or seen in my life...He wants to know if I will let go of it all and give it back to Him. He wants to know if I will trust Him with it.

Now he is saying to me...

OK...you know how to give up the bad stuff...I showed you how to do that...I have showed you that I will take you through that...you just need to seek me...I have showed you that I will make the bad things good...you trusted me with that...and I blessed you...is that enough for you to fully trust me...Kyle I love you and have amazing plans for you...but I need all of you...not just the bad side...you need to give me all of you...so now I want everything back...that is right...I want it all...now I want to know if you will let go of the good things...will you give them up for me...you trusted me to make the bad things good...but I don't want to stop there...I want to make the good things better...because...THERE IS SO MUCH MORE...I want to give you more...please don't settle for how things are...you have come this far, why do you want to stop here?...let me give you more...you are holding on the the good things with a very tight grip...loosen your grip and let them go...kyle, trust me...I am going to blow your mind...just watch what I will do, I will amaze you more that you have ever thought possible...but you have to trust me...let go...just trust me.

God you are so big...so much bigger than my mind can imagine...there is so much more that I ever dreamed...and you keep showing me that...and I am so thankful...God...I want you to strip me more...no matter what it cost...no matter how much it hurts...I trust you...I trust what you have said...I trust that you have plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future...strip me more...bring me in closer to you...I want to know you more...God I need you to guide me...I need you to give me strength...I can't do this alone...You are so good to me...I love you and I trust you...

The Fall of Kyle: It's Your Fault

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Before you read this, I want to invite you to read the first three blogs of this series if you haven't. You might understand my thoughts more if you do. Click on the links below to read them

The Fall of Kyle

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust You

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust God

In my last couple blogs, I have been looking at the story of the Fall of Man in Genesis 3. I have been comparing it to my own life and have discovered so many similaritiesa lot of the similarities that I found have made me a little uncomfortable.

These similarities seem to point out the lack of trust that I have for people and for God. I can't express how good it is to realize all of this now. It has really challenged me to check where my heart is and where it needs to be.

A lot of my thoughts so far have been about where my heart is at. Before I get into where my heart needs to be, there is still one more thing I need to look at. And that is, besides hiding from people and God, how does this lack of trust damage my relationships with people and with God? What does this lack of trust lead me to do?

Let's go back to the story of the Fall of Man in Genesis 3 to see what the man and the woman start to do once they start to lose trust in each other

So a quick recap of what has happened so farGod creates an absolutely amazing thing. There is a man and a woman. They are both nakedphysically as well as emotionally and spiritually. There is complete trust and love that flows freely between the man the woman and Godand it is perfect and completely beautiful. God is great!

But then the man and the woman eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, the one thing God asked them not to do. When they do this, their eyes are opened to a new world. They realize that everything about them is exposed. They start to judge and feel judged. They feel dirty, so they try to cover up their dirttheir mistake, their sin, and all of these new thoughts of judgment that are racing through their minds. They try to cover up everything like nothing happened. They want to look pretty for each other. They want to look good in both their eyes and the eyes of the other. They don't want to look flawed. Then God comes along, and they get scared, so now they try to hide from God.

The beautiful trust that God created and gave them starts to fade. As it keeps fading, it starts to affect other parts of their lives and more things start to fall apart.

Back to the story

The man is hiding from God and God asks, "Where are you?" The man comes out and answers,"I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

And God said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

Again, questions from an all-knowing God whythere must be more to the questions than just the actual questions. Because I believe that God knows exactly what has happened.

He can see them slipping. He knows they have made a mistake. He also knows he has the power to control and force them to changebut God doesn't love like that because that isn't what love is. Love doesn't control and force. Love is 1 Corinthians 13, in verses 4-8 it says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." This love always hopes for the bestand this love gives them the power to choose.

He asks questions to let them chose what they want to do next; keeping in mind that God loves them more than they can imagine.

And God still wants to maintain this amazing relationship with the man and woman.

He still wants trust.

He still wants open communication.

He still wants honesty.

He still wants His love to flow freely.

He wants to give them a chance to make good for their disobedience.

He wants them to rip off the suit of fig leaves they are hiding behind.

He wants them to be exposed.

He wants them to own up to their mistake.

And in order to do that, He needs to hear the truth from them. So He asks a questionand He wants a confession.

So in Genesis 3:12 the man confesses, "The woman you put here with meshe gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

Then in Genesis 3:13 the woman confesses, "The serpent deceived me and I ate."

Ahthey came cleanthey told God the truth...just like meend of blogthanks for reading.

Wait a second

Did they tell God the truth?

I guess "technically" they did tell the truth.

But when I look at what they said, I feel like something is a little off.

I get the sense that they were unsure of how God was going to react to what happened. They didn't want to completely expose what had happened...because they know how awkward that makes them feel when their dirt is exposed.

They still know that they should do the right thing, something deep in their heart tells them this, but something is now going on in their heads that says something different. It is challenging their heart. It is questioning their heart and wondering if there is a different way. This fruit of the tree of knowledge is giving them ideas. It is making them very crafty.

So they start to thinksome of the ideas probably look like

"don't lie, don't lie, don't lieoh, got it, I can just expose some of the truth..."

or "I can tell the truth but I can try to word it so that I can downplay the whole situation..."

or "I can tell the truth but before I do, I will make sure I tell God everything everyone else did that is wrong first, so that I can redirect God towards the "real" problem."

And with these thoughts, they decide to "technically" tell the truth.

So let's pick up where we left offGod was talking to the man.

In my head the man is looking all flustered and confused. He is still nervous. He is trying to come up with the right words to say to God. And this is where we get introduced to, literally, the oldest excuse in the book.

In Genesis 3:12, he manages to say, "The woman you put here with meshe gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

Did he just say what I think he said?

Let me back up and read that first part again. It says, "The woman YOU put here with me."

Notice the first thing out of his mouth has to do with something that someone else did.

This is the man pointing the finger at God. Wowsomeone woke up feeling awfully bold today.

But why stop there, if you are bold enough to blame God, you might as well keep going right? So with this mentality, he decides to take it a step further.

The next words out of his mouth are, "SHE gave me some fruit from the tree."

This is him pointing the finger at the woman.

Now that he has attempted to shift the focus onto others, he is comfortable finally whispering under his breath, "and I ate it."

So what comes out is "technically" the truth, but what he is saying to God is..."you put her here and she gave me the fruit. It is your fault and her fault. What you did is so much bigger than what I did! What she did is so much bigger than what I did. All I did was eat some fruit."

He tries to minimize what he did by maximizing something they did. He is trying to justify what he did by saying that what they did is worseand using this line of thinking, he convinces himself that what he did isn't really that bad. In his mind, he was justified in what he didso he thinks that it was actually ok that it happened because what God and the woman did is worse than what he did.

The man had a chance to expose the truth about what happened. But he chose not to completely expose himself...so God looks to the woman.

In Genesis 3:13, the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?"

This is God giving her a chance to expose the truth about what happened. He wants her to choose the right thing to do.

She is also a little nervous and flustered about talking to God about what happened, but in Genesis 3:13 she says,"The serpent deceived me and I ate."

Ahh...the second oldest excuse in the book.

She points the finger at Satan.

Again, technically the truth comes out. But she is trying to maximize what Satan did while minimizing what she did.

Please don't get me wrong. I will agree with you that Satan is one bad dude. But still, I don't think she can blame him...even if he did tempt her. She tries to justify her actions by saying that what Satan did is worse than what she did...which makes her feel like what she did is actually ok because she is convinced that Satan's actions were worse than her own.

The woman had a chance to expose the truth about what happened. But she too chose not to completely expose herself.

They both have a chance to come clean. And they kind of take itthey tell the truth. Technically, God did put the woman there with the man, the woman did give the fruit to the man, and the serpent did deceive her. But God wants them to focus on what they did. He doesn't want them to be making excuses and shifting blame towards others.

He just wants the truthbut they give him a twisted version of the truth.

They both chose not to be exposedand this was the beginning to all sorts of other things like excuses, manipulating that situation, justification, pointing fingers, judging and blaming others. This is what happened when trust starts to disappear.

So I ask myselfis this what I do? Am I full of excuses? Do I manipulate situations to avoid consequence? Do I try to justify what I do, to make myself seem better to myself and others? Do I point fingers at others and blame them for what I do?

Yes.

In fact when I look back on my past, there is such a huge pattern of me doing this. In fact, I used to be convinced when I was growing up that everyone was the samekinda. I used to think that the difference between the "good kids" and the "bad kids" was that the "bad kids" got caught. I drank, I did drugs, I made a lot of mistakes with girls, I stole stuff, I cheated in school, you name it and probably did it, but I was a"good kid" because I didn't get caught. I mastered the skill of making up excuses. I was sneaky and crafty. I was very observant of my surroundings so if we got busted, I could escape and hide and the "bad kids" would get caught. I could manipulate situations so well. I could always justify why I did something and I could convince others that I was right. I never did anything wrong and everyone believed me because I was a "good kid". And if I did almost get in trouble there was all always a bigger fish to fry and if you let me go, I could tell you where they were.

I have so many excuses. I manipulate situations so well. I can avoid consequence like no other. I can justify anything I do, most of the time with a ridiculous argument. And I know exactly who to point the finger at.

But more recently, my actions have changed. God has given me the strength to resist some of the actions I used to get caught up inbut that hasn't changed my ability to make excuses, manipulate, avoid problems, justify, judge, and blame. In fact, now that I don't get involved in some of the same stuff I used to, I feel like I have gotten better at doing them.

I realized that I do this in Cambodia.

I just want to point out that again that World Racers have issues. We are nowhere near perfect. We get into conflict pretty often.

It was through conflict that I realized that I do this with people. It all went down like this

I was in multiple conflicts. I was so mad. I was frustrated. I was sitting in a room by myself trying to cool off. I knew that I needed to address these situations and try to fix them. We were only two months in to this race and we were going to be around each other for a long time still. So we needed to change some stuff or there was going to be a huge eruption.

I found myself sitting there thinking that things needed to change. But how? I kept thinking about what had happened. I thought about what I did. I thought about what they did. I found myself getting more wound up. Then I started to think about what the other person was going to say to me. And in my head, I was building my defense. I was justifying what I did. I was making excuses. I was thinking about all the things I did wrong and I came up with a reason, justification, or excuse.

After I had my defense planned out, I found myself planning my offense. I was prepared for this showdown. If they wanted to handle this nicely, I would. But if they came out guns a blazing, I needed my guns ready too. So I started to load my guns so I could shoot back. I got all my ammo ready and everything that they did slightly wrong was a bullet in my little finger guns. If they came at me with their finger guns pointed at me, I was ready to point my finger guns back at them and start firing away. Because in my mind, I was convinced that what they did is worse than what I did. In fact, they were the cause of what I did; their actions caused me to react.

There was a time when I asked myself if this is how Jesus would go into this conflict. Would he have his guns loaded, the safety off, with his finger on the trigger? Or would he be going into this conflict willing to lay down his life for the sake of the other personno matter who is right or who is wrong.

This is when I realized that something in my heart is way off. I am approaching this from the way wrong direction.

I realized how much I make excuses. I realized how much I manipulate situations. I realized that I will try so many things to avoid consequence. I realized that I love to justify what I do to make it ok in my eyes.

Even with these realizations, I still find myself saying, "But this is what everyone does."

Look at my last comment carefullymore justificationmore excusesmore finger pointing

And it doesn't stop

because right nowI don't trust youI don't trust godand it's your fault

Something is very wrong with this picture

I am beginning to see that I am part of what is wrongand really, that is the only part that I have any control overall of the excuses, manipulations, finger pointing, judging, blaming, it is all my way of trying to get others to change to make my life easier. It is my way of saying that I am right and you are wrong. But I am realizing that I am not nearly as right as I think I am. I am realizing that I don't need to be trying to change othersI think my own heart and mind that needs to be transformed.

I recently found in Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.

All right Godit seems foolish for me to continue being this wayI am ready to listen to your advicespeak to me

Please join me in my next blog as I share with you how God is speaking to me and stripping away my fig leaves

Click the link below

The Fall of Kyle: Being Stripped

LESS Update-Manila

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Ministry/ Team Activities

This past week has been packed full of awesome ministry opportunities. We had our usual daily schedules which consisted of: Jackie and Colleen helping teach at the elementary school, Danny and Kyle working on the sewage project, and Sarah and Lindsey spending time at the Children's Home taking care of the kids and playing with them. We were also able to take the children swimming a couple times and attend a fun clown visit at the school. Jackie, Lindsey, and Colleen were able to bake and decorate Christmas cookies one day with the younger children from the Children's Home, while Danny and Kyle took the older boys bowling. Sarah was able to go to a high school rugby tournament all day and spend time with the high school girls she has been getting to know. On our day off, we were able to go visit a market which was a really fun experience. It has been an awesome week, and we are so thankful for all of the opportunities the Lord has provided for us.

Coming Up

Our team along with DJ and Rachel, our hosts, are planning to take a trip next weekend to Corregidor Island, an important island in defending Manila during WW2. We will take an early morning ferry and tour the island during the day checking out previous battle grounds and ruins, swimming and hiking and sleeping overnight on the beach there.

Besides going to Corregidor, we will be continuing our regular jobs teaching, helping at the children's home and working on building a septic tank for the community. We are very sad that our time is coming to a close here. This is our last full week before the rest of our squad joins us on December 19. Even though we will be excited to see them, their coming means that our time here is ending and we have to say goodbye to all of our friends and our community here.

Prayer Requests

God is awesome. We seem to be reminded of this almost everyday. He is working in so many different ways in all of our lives. It exciting to be here still relatively in the beginning of this thing. Thank you all for your prayers as they are definitely felt. Whether is our prayers for brokeness, or our prayers for team unity, or our prayers for finances, God has been covering us in His grace and answering our prayers. So really... Thank you.

Pray that God will continue to reveal himself to us, that we would seek Him first, and that we would continue to become completely dependant on Him.

Huge Praise that all of us seem to be feeling much better. There still may be some lingering sickness but thank you for the prayers.

Please continue to pray for the people we are working with. Jeff Long and his family, D.J. And Rachel, Kim and Sherwin's family.

There are 8 new children coming into the children's home we are working with. Please pray that these kids will adjust quickly.

Pray for encouragement and support amongst our team. We are not doing a lot of our ministry as a team though there are some thing we get to do together. Pray that we can support each other however God is using us, and through through us and on us.

It seems like our team has been very fatigued this month. It has been hard to over come. Please pray for God's strength to be present in us in a physical sense.

Huge praise for Colleen and her finances. God has done some incredible things in the last week.

Sarah's foot is hurting lately. Please pray for its healing.

Pray that as we are growing God will bestow us with wisdom and discernment.

Our prayer go out to our friends and family affected by the shooting at New Life Church in Colorado.

Cultural Quirkiness

We heard a new spin on why we eat rice with every meal here in the Philippines. We had a pizza and ice cream party for a group of the boys from the Children's home. 8 boys under the age of 11 ate 3 large pizzas and quart of ice cream. They headed up the street for devotions. An hour later, they were called the kitchen and served another full plate of rice and chicken adobo. We were floored; where could these tiny people possibly be putting yet more food. We asked the staff and the reply was this, "unless a Pilipino eats rice, they are never full." It doesn't matter how much or what variety of food they eat there will always be rice.

LESS Update-Manila

Wed, 5 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Become Less

Ministry and Team Activities - SB

This week was another great week in the Manila! Danny and Kyle are continuing to work away at the sewage project up the street. They are learning what it's like to work around lots of unnecessary red tape set up by the land owners and using some creative loopholes to get the job done. Kyle is building a great relationship with Sherwin's family and is involvedin an on going Chess competition with Sherwin's younger brother, Robert.

Teacher Jackie and teacher Colleen had another great working at the school. Preparations have begun for the Christmas program! Lindsey started teaching art this week in the second grade classroom. We are sad to report that Sarah and Danny were laid off from their music teaching positions. They are grieving but are prayerfully considering other ways to use those talents.

There were a few big events at the Children's home this week. Thursday night we had a sleepover party in the big room because there was no school on Friday. We watched a movie, ate kettle corn, and slept in forts built from sheets. A bunch of the older boys were circumcised this week (bet you didn't expect to read that in a team blog!) so there was more watching movies, coloring, and reading books than usual this week! Saturday was a very exciting day. A group from Manila came to play, eat lunch, and deliver new tennis shoes to all the kids for Christmas. The children were very excited to open their new shoes and the shoes have made them very hard to catch in our daily games of "ice ice water" (freeze tag).

Sports are very popular here the Philippines. Danny and Kyle participated in the Old Men's Basketball league and games at the Community Center. Sarah is still coaching touch rugby a few afternoons a week up at faith academy. This week there were also a group of professional baseball players in town doing baseball clinics at local schools. Danny was drafted for the week and spent several days helping run the clinics. We are thankful that he turned down the pros to continue on the World Race. J

We had a surprise group of middle schoolers stay here with us this week. Their mission trip was rerouted due to the typhoon activity on other islands. They certainly livened up the place and provided some great manpower for the sewage project and playing with the kids at the Children's Home.

One of the long term volunteers flew back to the states so there are extra opportunities for Lindsey, Sarah and Colleen to spend time with twin babies, Jacob and Daniel. They are a lot of work but cute enough to get away with just about anything.

The social scene is hopping around here. People got to watch Anteneo (The university Jeff's son attends) win an offseason tournament. The stadiums are energized and very loud! Also, we were invited to a cocktail party and white elephant gift exchange at one of the volunteer's apartments. Danny was the big winner with his Winnie the Pooh toothbrush with Jackie came in a close second with her beloved new pen.

Kids International continues to be an amazing to work with we will be sad to see this month come to a close in a few short weeks!

Coming Up -DG

The next week looks similar to how most our weeks here have been. Jackie and Colleen will continue to work at the school on the week days. Along with another family who is now staying in the missionary house, they will be working on planning a Christmas program involving the school children.

Sarah and Lindsey will continue to focus their effort on the Children's home. They are taking on various activities such as putting together photo albums of the kids, as well as organizing books and other random stuff. Both Sarah and Lindsey have also been helping in looking after some of the babies to give the regular staff a break in the day.

Danny and Kyle are moving into the second phase of the building project. Now that the streets are clear of sewage and a wall has been built to keep mud from flowing into the street, they will start building flower beds and eventually a septic tank for the community to use. The property managers have told us that we can not build the septic tank as they do not want the squatters to continue to survive there. They completely ignore the fact that a septic tank and the wall that has been built, not only cleans up the area, but it also does much to rid the area of disease. So for now until more negotiations are undertaken with the rich folk, we will be working on building the septic tank in the night time when we aren't being watch by guards. Cool stuff.

Spiritual Discussions- KC

This last week, during our scheduled spiritual discussion, Lindsey introduced us to Lectio Divina which is Latin for spiritual reading. It is a combination of reading the bible, praying, and listening to God. So we read the beginning of Luke Chapter 3, reflected on what God was telling us, and then discussed that with each other. It was awesome.

Prayer Requests -KC

Sarah, Colleen, and Danny have all been feeling a little sick the last couple days. Pray that God will restore them to 100% so that they will feel better and can go out and pour love out onto this community without any distractions. Also pray that God will shower them with joy and love in the meantime.

Danny has been having a rough time with one of his toes. Pray that God will heal up his toe. Pray that God will bring him joy and comfort as it gets better.

Please pray for the Cuatro Community, the Long family, DJ and Rachel, all the other people connected with this ministry, and for us. Listen to God and let Him lead you in this prayer.

Pray that God will continue to reveal himself to us.

Pray that we would seek Him will all of our hearts.

Pray that we will accept all of the blessings that He wants to rain down on us.

Pray that we would all give in to God and and His plans for us.

Pray that we would be obedient to His calling.

Pray that we would become completely dependant on Him.

Pray that He would continue to strip us of things that are not from Him.

Pray that He would reveal to us what it means to be imitators of God.

Pray that we would pick up our own cross and suffer for others to show them just a glimpse of the love of Jesus Christ.

Thanks for taking the time to pray for us. Know that your prayers have been heard.

You are such a blessing to us. Know that we think of you daily. Without the love you pour into us, this wouldn't be possible for us. Your support is part of God's plan, and we thank you for being obedient to what He has called you to, whether you are Christian or not. Everyone is still part of His plan...our God is that big and amazing! Praise God!! We will be praying for you too...let us know if you have any prayer requests.

Cultural Quirkiness -JZ

In the United States, you may enjoy water. So do many people here. The only thing is, the water here is delivered in a truck. The people in this area pay about a third of their income to the water guys. There have been numerous times that I have woken up here in the Philippines to not having any water. Luckily we got connected to city water this week. It is too bad that we are not going to get our daily water truck, but it is nice to know that we will always have water.

LESS Update-From Manila

Sun, 2 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Our Team has put together a website at www.becomeless.com . It was made in the hope that our supporters could have more of a chance to be involved with what we are doing on the field via support or giving our contacts to others so that they can be used by others. Check it out if you have time. We are still working out some of the kinks so let us know what you think. Thank you for everything, with out you guys we couldn't partake in such an incredible journey.

Ministry/ Team Activities

This week was the start of our ministry here in the Philippines. Colleen and Jackie are working for a local school in the mornings. Colleen will help with the kindergarten class, while Jackie works with the 1^st/2^nd grade class. Kyle and Danny have been helping to make a retaining wall for the sewage that runs down the street. They have worked on this project for 3 days this week. They will continue on this week. Sarah and Lindsey have been helping at the children's home. They get to play with the children and have some fun. On Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, the whole team got to go swimming. Swimming was a great time to get to know the children at the children's home and have some fun. The team went to a basketball game on Wednesday night. It was nice to get out and cheer on a game. Team LESS was able to have a traditional Thanksgiving with 9 new friends that are helping out at the children's home. Saturday brought a fun day for the team. It was Kyle's birthday and so the team got to go out and have some fun. The activity of the day was paintballing. It was a first for most of the team and luckily not too many bruises were felt. Saturday night was spent at the school playing basketball and showing video.

What We Are DoingA typical day

A couple of us are usually up at the crack of dawn to go jogging and some are up early for quiet time. As a team, we are sitting together by seven with a fresh cup of coffee getting ready to pray and do our daily devotional. Shortly after prayer, we sit down together for breakfast. After breakfast, Jackie and Colleen set out for the Cuatro Christian School to teach. Sarah and Lindsey walk up the street to the children's home to play with kids. Danny and Kyle walk up the road to help out with the sewage/septic project.

Around noon we usually all meet back together at the house to have lunch together.

After lunch, we have a bunch of different options. Danny and Kyle get to go back to the sewage/septic project. Some days we bring the kids from the children's home to a pool to go swimming. We have basketball and volleyball leagues that we have been asked to participate in. Sarah has been helping out by coaching rugby up at Faith Academy, a high school for kids of missionaries. This week, a couple of pro baseball players will be here and Danny and Kyle have been asked to help out with a program that they will run. Danny will also be helping DJ, one of our hosts, with a website design project. When things are slow, we can run up the street and play with kids.

Before the kids' bedtime, we go read bed time stories and have devotionals with them. We will also be staying overnight with the kids at the home a night a week and the some of the girls have offered to stay up watching some little babies next door.

Spiritual Discussions

Every morning, we have been meeting as a team to pray together and have a devotion. Each team member has a day of the week that they share something from Scripture that God is teaching them. This has been so beneficial for our team, and it has caused us to be more open and vulnerable with each other. This month we have also been able to eat our meals together and spend more time with each other than we did in Cambodia. This Philippines has been such blessing to our team in many ways, and we are thankful for what the Lord is doing.

Prayer Requests

-Danny's toe is infected, please pray for healing
-For God to strip down Kyle more and that God will reveal to him who He really is (see his blog for more details)
-The Children's Home
-Our team has been fighting the tiredness/blah feeling
-Continued team unity and quality time

Cultural Quirkiness

Filipinos use a lot of facial expressions to communicate. Do not be offended by the raised eyebrows here. That is just one way of saying hello. Also if you ask where something is it is not uncommon for someone to point to it with their puckered lips.

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust God

Sat, 1 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMT

To read the first two parts of this blog series, click on the links below...

The Fall of Kyle

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust You

If you recall, in my last blog, I talked about how I believe that Adam and Eve were naked with each other on more than just a physical level pre-Fall of Man and how beautiful of a thing that must have been.

Then I discussed what I think went through their heads immediately after they ate from the tree of knowledge. I talked about how they acted towards each other and how they viewed each other. The similarities that I found between how they started to interact with each other, how I act towards you, and how I view you shock me. I realized that I don't trust you.

This is something that I am not proud of.

But what I am realizing as I continue reading Genesis 3 is even more disturbing to me.

I am realizing that I don't really trust God...I say that I dobut when I really look deep into my heart, I can see that I don't.

Wow...this is hard to have to admit to myself and to you...especially considering that I am on the World Race. I feel like I am supposed to have that one down.

Now, I guess I can pretty myself up and pretend that I trust God to avoid judgment from people. Or, I can be real and completely honest with you and with myself and tell you that I struggle with this. I don't trust God.

But before I get into why my life models the fact that I don't trust God, I want to back up a little bit to Genesis 2:25 again. It says , The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

As I talked about in my last blog, when I read this verse, my first thought is only about the man and the woman and how they are naked and open with each other.

But I want to take this a step farther and throw God into the equation. After all, he does play a pretty big role in things.

So in the beginning, I imagine them being naked with God.

Again, they are physically naked, but there is so much more to it, so I want to take it farther than that.

Again, I imagine them being naked in a way with God that their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, desires, dreams, emotions, intentions, opinions, and motives are all completely exposed. They were completely exposed to God. God could see everything about them. They always told God the truth because they were genuinely honest with God. They had nothing to hide, so there was never even a hesitation to not be open with God.

It is so beautiful because they were completely comfortable doing this. Not only were they comfortable, but they were also willing to be this exposed. Because God made them feel safe, secure, confident, beautiful, and He showered them with all the fruits of the spirit, which Galatians 5:22 says are love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

This original relationship between God and man was beautiful. This is what it was supposed to look like.

But this relationship changed when they ate from the tree of knowledge.

In the middle of this first totally awkward interaction between the man and woman...God comes walking back into the story.

In Genesis 3:8-10 it says, Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

When I read the first part of this, I wonder why it was important to point out that God was walking in the garden in the cool of the day.

After thinking about it, I believe that God was walking in the garden in the cool of the day because this was probably the best time of the day. And I think that He wanted to spend the best part of the day with the man and his wife. And I bet He did this daily. I believe that He would set this time aside everyday so that they could sit, talk, and enjoy the most beautiful part of the day together.

He did this because He wants to share the most beautiful things with themand I believe that they knew that God wanted to share the most beautiful things with them.

But on this day, when they heard Him coming through the garden for their usual meetingsomething was different.

They were dirty and they had been sitting there all day with all of these new thoughts of judgment running through their heads. I am sure that these new thoughts were causing them to feel a little stressed. I am sure that they were sitting there scrambling to put the final touches on their new fig leaf suits trying to make sure that they were completely coveredwhen God came strolling in.

These thoughts of judgment raced through their minds and they started to wonder how God was going to look at them now.

And they panicked...

Why?

Right before all of this in Genesis 2:16-17 it says And the Lord God commanded the man, "You are free to eat of any tree in the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will certainly die."

This quickly came back to their minds when they heard Him coming.

The one thing God told them not to do...they did. And their consequence for doing this...death. I can understand why they were a little panicky.

So again, I picture them sitting there trying to cover up their dirt as quickly as possible so it can't be seen anymore. When out of nowhere, they hear the most amazing and beautiful sound of God coming though the garden. Instantly, they lock eyes while simultaneously saying, "Oh crap, it's God. We can't let Him see us like this. We gotta hide."

Immediately their eyes start darting all over the place trying to survey the area as quickly as possible so that they can find the best hiding spot.

The hunter in me sees them looking down and realizing that they were now sporting fig leaf camo. They believe that this suit of fig leaves might prove useful for yet another purpose. They can use it to hide from God.

So they quickly ran over to the trees to try to blend in. When they get to the trees, they begin to investigate more carefully so that they could find the best spot.

For some reason, their eyes were drawn to a dark place in the shadows of the trees. So they quickly get in the shadows and hunker down.

The man looked at the woman and put his index finger to his mouth signaling to her to be quiet.

They hear the beautiful rustling in the garden coming closer...God is almost right on top of them.

Their hearts are racing a million miles an hour but everything is in slow motion. Their ears are completely focused and tuned in. They sit there and try not to move. They try to control their breathing and as God gets closer, they hold their breath so that He won't hear them.

When all of a sudden the beautiful voice of God said, "Where are you?"

Game overthe man gave inhe knew he had been found. He sighed and closed his eyes as he stood up, came back into the light, and said, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

SoI can picture all of this except for one thing. Why in the world would an all-knowing God ask where they were? Wouldn't He know?

Through a discussion with a teammate, I think I have a glimpse into why. Let me share a personal story with you

I have a good friend from back home in Minnesota named Carrie. We went to prom together. J

She has a son named Myles. He is one of the cutest little kids I have ever met.

This last summer, I was over at her house hanging out. Myles was running around playing with all of his swords and super hero toys. All of a sudden, I said something that must have provoked him because he challenged me on the spot to a sword fight. Scared for my life, I accepted the challenge.

We went back and forth dueling for a while. After one of these duels, we decided to play hide-and-seek. AWESOME!! I love playing hide-and-seek.

So I told Myles to hide while I was closing my eyes.

When I opened them, I was shocked because there he wasright in front of me, pressed up against the wall, trying to hide alongside this big wooden bear.

In my head, I laughed, "You have to be kidding me." But I decided to play along. I couldn't just walk over and find himhe would feel bad.

So instead, I started calling his name while I was searching for him. I would look under chairs and in drawers that a kid his size obviously couldn't fit into. I started digging through his toy binno luck.

I scratched my head in confusion and asked Carrie if she had seen Myles. She also had no idea where he was.

But then I saw my shoe, and I pretended that I thought he was in there. So I started to sneak up on it. When I quickly pounced on it and looked in and yelled, "Gotcha!" he started to giggle.

So I perked my ears up to try to listen for where the sound was coming fromI still heard giggling. So I quickly looked in his direction.

He got quiet and then closed his eyes because he knew that if he couldn't see me then obviously I couldn't see him.

His theory proved successful.

Because when I got over by where I heard the giggling, I couldn't find him, only a statue that looked like him. At first I thought that it really was him, but this thing didn't even flinchand when I called his name, this statue didn't answer. So it couldn't have been him.

So I turned around and began looking elsewhere, when I heard giggling again from behind me.

As I turned around, Miles quickly shot straight up and got stiff again. I inspected the statue again, but againI concluded that it was an amazing life-like statue, but it couldn't possibly be an actual child.

We kept doing this for probably 15 minutesand finally he came out and said, "Here I am!"

So cute, isn't it?

It is so cute to me. He was trying to hide from me and it was totally obvious where he was. He wasn't fooling anyone. And as long as he wanted to play this game, I was totally fine playing with him. I would have pretended that I had no clue where he was for hours. I wanted him to jump out and surprise me. I didn't want him to feel like he was found out. I wanted him to come out willingly. And eventually, he did.

God asks where they are because he wants them to come out willingly. He knows where they are. It is so obvious to Him. And He was willing to play whatever games they wanted to play until they eventually came outbecause they were His children. I believe that part of Him thinks the whole thing is kinda cute.

Sohow does all this apply to me not trusting God?

WellI spend so much time judging others and making assumptions about how I am viewed. I want to be a good follower of Jesus, but for some reason I keep finding myself trying to come up with the best way to hide my sins from everyone.

Then God comes strolling into the picture when I am trying to hide my sins.

I realize that I have built this amazing camo suit of fig leaves. And I know that most people can't see my sinsso maybe, just maybe, this camo suit will help me hide from God.

So I take off in a dead sprint, towards a place where there is no light. I look for the darkest place I can find and I jump in the shadows. As I hunker down, the darkness scares me a little, but in a way, I find comfort there. But a strange kind of comfortI don't feel safe or at peace. My heart is racing, my ears are locked onto any movement around me, and I am breathing heavy. But this place is familiar to mebecause these places are my deepest darkest secretsmy sins that no one knows about.

And it is weird because it is both a scary and safe place all at once.

My deepest darkest secrets are a place I don't want anyone to gonot even God.

Because in my eyes my sins are bigpart of me wonders if they are too big for God.

What I am saying to God by not exposing myself and hiding in these places is that I don't fully trust what He says. I am showing that I don't believe that He will forgive me of all my sins. I am saying that I don't fully believe that He will redeem all the bad things I have done. I don't believe that He will forget my sins.

I can trust Him with the little stuff, and He saves me from the little stuff. But I question Him with the big stuff even when it says in Hebrews 7:25 that he is able to save COMPLETELY those who come to God.

HeIS able to save me from the big stuffthe really hard stuffthe stuff I hang on to because I am so afraid to let anyone else near it.

But for some reasonI still don't think God can handle the big stuff. I don't trust Him with the big stuff.

I don't trust God.

And the result of this is I am only giving him part of me.

Sohere I amrealizing that I don't trust God. I want to trust God. I want to give God everythingand I am not.

I am trying to figure out what to do and how to do it.

Right now He is watching meand He thinks that I look a little silly and cute because I think I am hiding really well, when I am actually doing a really bad job of hiding from Him. And He is ok playing this game with me. He is patient. He wants me to willingly jump out of my hiding place and say, "Here I am! Here is all of meeven the big stuff."

But I can't

I know I am supposed to trust God. I say that I trust Himbut do I even know what that means?

As I post my next two blogs, I would like to invite you back into my head. When they are posted, click on the links below to get to them.

The Fall of Kyle: It's Your Fault

And my conclusion and how God is stripping away my suit of fig leaves in

The Fall of Kyle: Being Stripped

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust You

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

To read the first part of this blog series, click on this linkThe Fall of Kyle.

Before the fall of man it says in Genesis 2:25 that, The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Naked peopledidn't feel shamenext verseright?

Not so fast cowboy

It is easy to read this verse and so many others and not really even think twice about them. In fact, I have done this and still do this often with verses in the bible. I never really get the whole meaning behind them.

For some reason, when I read this verse this time it caught my eye. So I have been taking the time to actually think and pray about this verse and I have been trying to see if there is more to this verse or not.

My thoughts have led me way past the fact that they are physically naked together and ok with it.

I am now thinking about them being naked with each other in a different way. I imagine them being naked in a way where their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, desires, dreams, emotions, intentions, opinions, and motives are all completely exposed. They could see everything about each other. The truth about each other was completely out in the open. There was genuine honesty between them. They were real with each other. And they were absolutely content with it. This would lead them to feel safe, secure, confident, beautiful, and all the fruits of the spirit, which Galatians 5:22 says are love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. This is the beautiful thing that God created. This is the way the world is supposed to be. It's awesome.

But then they messed it upeverything changed when they ate from the tree of knowledge. The bible says in Genesis 3:7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Now they are still completely exposed, but for the first time, something feels out of place. They knew that they had sinned and they felt nasty and dirty. As they sat there and stared at each other, they saw dirt on each other. They felt weird seeing the dirt on each other. They knew how they were supposed to look and they started judging each other. With each of these thoughts, they became more and more dirty. At some point, they probably made the "ewww face" at each other because everything about them was exposed and they were covered with dirt.

The safety that they felt with each other started to fade because they were judging themselves and each other. Their security and confidence started to dwindle because they no longer felt beautiful. Because of all these thoughts, they felt the fruits of the spirit fading, not that they were, but other things were getting in the way of receiving them fully. They started to feel embarrassed, awkward, and ashamed. They were uncomfortable, self-conscious, and insecure. And they felt guilt.

All of these feelings made them feel more and more dirty. Finally they couldn't take it anymore. They didn't feel comfortable in their own skin. They wanted to cover up the dirt. So they decided to put on something that would make them look better. They felt that if they could just cover it up, all would be good. So then they stitched up some fig leaves and made clothes, so that they could cover up the dirt. But now they could hardly recognize each other because they were hiding behind a suit of fig leaves.

But, for a moment, they felt clean and safe again.

But in their hearts, they realized this is only a temporary fix. They knew they weren't really clean. The dirt was lying just under the surface. This made them nervous. So then the fig leaves became a protective outer covering. They knew that as long as there were covered no one would really see what is wrong. But they now lived in fear, because they didn't want the dirt exposed. They knew that if someone got too close, there might be a chance that someone could accidentally or intentionally remove some of the leaves to reveal the dirt. This absolutely petrified them.

The love and the trust between themgone.

All they really want is to feel loved for who they aregood stuff and the bad stuff.

Today I came across an amazing Proverb that I feel speaks into what we all forget to some extent.

Proverbs 19:22What a person desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar.

My take on thiswe all just want to be loved unconditionally. So it is better to be poor, to show your brokenness, to be open, to be exposed for who you truly are, then to lie about it and try to pretty yourself up and pretend to be something you are not. If you lie about who you are, you will live in fear and the love you receive you will feel is conditional. So you will continue to try to hide who you really are.

In this story, the man and the woman don't have trust in each other anymore. They don't believe that they will be loved for who they are. So they start to feel like the love for them is a conditional love. They think that if the other person knew their deepest darkest secret, they would no longer be loved. So they cover it up. They hide behind a suit of fig leaves.

If I am going to be completely honest with myself, this whole thing sounds way too familiar.

I now have knowledge of my mistakes. At one point in my life, I didn't really. I lived in the darkness and that made it really hard to see the darkness in myself. But as I get closer to the light, I am beginning to see all the darkness in mewhich for me, is really great in so many ways.

But I have also seen people's reactions to the mistakes I have made. I have seen disgust on people's faces as they judge me for things I have done. That makes me feel ugly. So I want to hide the ugliness to protect myself. So I don't let people get too close to me. I don't reveal the Kyle that makes mistakes. By doing this, I don't let people love me. So I feel like I am being loved conditionally. I feel like I will lose the love from people if they find out the truth about me.

If you boil it down to why I do this, it is because I DON'T TRUST YOU. I don't trust that you will love me with my dirt.

Whether you are part of my immediate family, my best friend, someone close to me, or someone surfing the webyou are not excluded from this statement. I don't trust you.

For some reason, I won't expose myself. I want to stay covered up.

So what I do is fall into the trap of believing that the Christian life is about how well I can hide my sins from people. I try to convince myself that if you can't see my sins, then we will both believe that they don't exist. This leads us both to believe that I am a really good person and an awesome follower of Jesus.

Which is what I want to beso I get trapped in this endless cycle of trying to hide my sins. This is exhausting because you stay trapped in the darkness all by yourself.

So I have been debatingwhat am I supposed to do

Do I continue to exhaust myself hiding my dirt or do I risk everything and commit to start peeling off the layers?

As they are posted, feel free to join me in my head during my next three blogs

The Fall of Man: I Don't Trust God

The Fall of Kyle: It's Your Fault

Then check out my conclusion of how God is stripping away the my suit of fig leaves in

The Fall of Kyle: Being Stripped

The Fall of Kyle

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Originally as I was writing this, I noticed that it was getting rather lengthy. So after a couple discussions with some fellow racers, I am attempting my first ever blog series. I don't really know how this works or what it is going to look like or how it will end up. But I am still excitedThese are some of the thoughts that have been going on in my head. I believe that God has really been using scripture to reveal places where He wants to change and mold me to be more like Him.   I pray that you will be open to my thoughts and that the Holy Spirit would use these words to break you, encourage you, and speak truth into your life.

I have been reading the bible a lot lately. I was reading about creation and I was just trying to picture in my head what that would look like.

I don't even know if I can possibly understand the beauty of it all, especially after seeing some of the amazing places that we have seen so far on the race. The beauty that we have seen probably doesn't even come anywhere close to the beauty of the Garden of Eden. I am not going to try to describe it because it is beyond my comprehension. In the bible it says that God created some amazing plants that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. There were beautiful flowing rivers. (In my mind there were also a lot of waterfalls.) There were also a bunch of animals.

And God put man in charge of it all.

Then God was looking for a helper for the man. He looked at all the animals that were around and couldn't find one that was good enough for the man. So then God created the woman from the very flesh of the man, which is something that I can't even comprehend because it doesn't work like this nowadays, but it is so amazingly beautiful.

But there is a part of the creation story that has really caught my eye, something that is so incredibly simple and beautiful that it blows me away. It is so beautiful to me because it is the way God created us to be.

Genesis 2:25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

When God created us we were naked. Everything was out in the open. He wanted us all to show everything about ourselves. Nothing was covered up or prettied up; we were just completely out there for all to see. And the part about this that rocks me is that they felt no shame. They didn't feel awkward. They didn't feel embarrassed. They didn't get uncomfortable. They didn't question how they looked to anyone or to God. They were completely exposed in front of God and everyone, and they were ok with it.

This idea in my head is so incredibly beautiful. It is something that reveals more to me about love and trust. I can't put my finger on what exactly it is and I don't even know if it can be put into words. But I believe that this requires a level of love and trust that I have never experienced before in my life, but when I think about it, I believe that each of us craves from deep within our souls; this level of love and trust in each other and in God.

For those of you that don't know this bible story, shortly after God created this beautiful thing, the man and woman screw the whole thing up by eating from a tree in the garden that they were told not to eat from thanks to Satan and his trickery. This story in the bible is called "The Fall of Man".

So right now, I am going to share with you the story of what happens right after they eat this fruit.

Genesis 3:7-13Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
          Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?"
          He answered, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
          And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"
          The man said, "The woman you put here with me-she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me and I ate."

They instantly became judgers of themselves, each other, and God and they decided that they should blame others for their actions. They messed the whole beautiful thing up. The way it was supposed to be, is no longer the way it is.

In my next four blogs, I would like to share with you how God is relating this story to me and what he is teaching me about myself and how he is transforming my heart.

As they are posted, feel free to click on the links below to get any of the next blogs in this series.

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust You

The Fall of Kyle: I Don't Trust God

The Fall of Kyle: It's Your Fault

The Fall of Kyle: Being Stripped